Thursday, September 17, 2009

If you need a slap in the face ask a 5 year old....

Okay, maybe not literally, but they are brutally honest and sometimes that feels like a slap in the face. When you didn't ask for it, it seems to hit a little harder and knock the wind out of you.

That is exactly what happened in our house on Saturday night. My "oh so very brutally honest" 5 year old was talking with her dad about hapiness and smiling while I was doing the dishes. I heard her say, "Mommy must not be too happy because she never smiles! Mom, why don't you ever smile? You don't like it here?"

The truth is that I have been told I don't smile enough by a lot of people in my life over the years, but I have never been affected by it like I was when Taylor said it. I have said on here numerous times over the past few weeks that I do love my life. It's not that I didn't before it just seemed like I was always in a frame of mind of doubt and confusion. I was never unhappy, but to be in that frame of mind all the time definitely causes some inner turmoil. I still loved my kids and my husband, my job pays good and I didn't have to worry every day whether they were making cuts or not.

So like I said, I've been told this very same thing my whole life, but when your child tells you, it takes on a whole new meaning. I have been trying to make sure to smile more often; not fake smiles, genuine ones that reflect the smile that is in my heart. I am hoping I accomplish this so I don't have to be asked again if I don't like it here by one of my children. I never want to make them feel like that and never did it on purpose, obviously.

The truth is I don't like my smile, I think it is funny looking and it bothers me. What I need to do is embrace it and love it so I don't make my children grow up wondering if their mother really wants to be there or not. That is so not a good feeling!


Jen said...

Aw! I know what you mean about how things carry a different weight when your child says it about you.

Angela said...

Children do say what they are thinking don't they.

Sending smiles to help you along

Cheffie-Mom said...

I'm sending hugs your way!! Celebrate your blessings!! You have so many of them!!