Monday, July 18, 2011

where have i been?

Facebook, dealing with life & I started a new, very anonymous blog about a month or two ago. So, that explains the lack of posts here, but I am trying.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Can't let it go

Let me start by saying this is not to blast anyone or have anyone blast my friend. It is simply something that is weighing on my mind, that I have addressed with my friend, but feel a need to blog about it too.

So I have a friend that is pregnant with baby number 3. Her & her husband have 2 beautiful girls now & are really hoping for a boy. I see nothing wrong with hoping for one gender or another, but this friend has said she is considering not finding out the gender because they don't want to be disappointed for 4 plus months if it's another girl. That is where I have a problem...reading that made me feel like someone punched me in the stomach.

Most, if not all of you know what I went through with Callee's pregnancy & delivery so maybe that's why I'm so sensitive to this comment. If you don't know you can read about it here. I want to believe it's not just me though & here is a little excerpt of the private message I sent her on facebook explaining why I feel it was so wrong & why I believe I am probably not the only offended one.

"I am only one example of knowing the importance of a safe, healthy delivery & baby. Think about the parents who have children with terrible birth defects & would give anything for a healthy baby. What about the parents who have lost a child & know it doesn't matter if it was a boy or girl because they had that child for a short time, but the ache in their heart where they will forever hold the memories with that child doesn't label boy or girl. The hurt isn't different if you lose a boy or if you lose a girl. What about the people reading that comment that have been trying for years to have a baby & can't. They'd give anything to have a baby, boy or girl."

To add to this it also offends me when people ask why we aren't going to try one more time to give Mike the boy he deserves. Ummmmm......excuse me, deserves? God gives you what he wants to & he wanted us to have 2 girls. We are both happy with the children we have (maybe not all the time because they are rotten, but that's not based on gender.) Mike has even said he is glad we didn't have a boy because he was never good enough at anything for his dad. Even if he was the fastest, he could've run a second faster, etc. He was afraid he'd be like that with his son & it wasn't fair.

He is the perfect "girl dad" and is great at it. He used to let them do his hair (when he had hair), still lets them do his make up & paint his toes. They are sporty when he wants them to be & he is girly when they want him to be. It works for us & we are happy! I really wish people would stop asking this & consider for a second that maybe we are truly happy with 2 beautiful, happy, healthy girls who have 2 very loving & supportive parents.

I think I will step down from my soap box now. I am done venting, but for anyone reading this please next time you are pregnant think about this. Like I said I don't believe it is wrong to hope for one gender over another, but to say you'd be disappointed is offensive.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Callee (ok & Taylor too).....

.....are going to drive me crazy! I love these children to death, but the ER trips & doctor visits lately are getting to be out of hand. I'm going to try to document all of this in order, but it's been a lot in the past 4 weeks so I apologize if it seems to be a jumbled mess, but it is sort of a jumbled mess in my head too.

The mayhem all started on 10/14/10. We have Caravan at our church on Thursday nights (it's like a Christian based boy scout/girl scout thing) & I am a leader of one of the groups. Afterwards I stayed & talked to the head honcho & my ex cousin in law (yes sounds weird I know) who I've remained friends with. Here's a picture of our kids that are 13 days apart:

Callee & Ashley (on the right) were running & I had told both of them numerous times to stop, it is disrespectful to run in the church & two, someone was going to get hurt! They decided to be normal 4 year olds & not listen, so as I was saying it was ridiculous that Callee couldn't listen so I could talk to Shelly & Susan (Ashley's mom) & that we were leaving, Callee takes off running towards the door. Ashley starts running towards her & of course they collide! I thought they bumped heads & before looking at the damage I had to bite my tongue from saying, "Do you see what happens when you don't listen? That's what you get!" I'm glad I bit my tongue because as I lifted Callee off the floor to survey the damage I see this eye that is deformed & swelling rapidly. She had a tiny bruise forming 10 seconds after impact on her cheek bone too. We tried ice & it didn't help so I wanted to take her to Immediate Care to have it x-rayed just in case she broke her cheek bone.Btw, Ashley had a small goose egg on her head that disappeared within an hour & was fine. She happened to put her head down at the right second. So, Callee's cheek bone was not broken thank goodness, but he wanted her to see her pediatrician the next day because the eye was very swollen & nasty looking. Taylor needed to see the doctor that day too for a possible UTI (which she didn't have either!) So I take them both, he said Taylor was negative on the UTI & Callee's eye could take over a month to completely heal, but he didn't see any lasting damage to the eye itself. He said if any strange things appear to call & he'd want to see her again. I have to add here too that during the bus accident with Taylor in the spring they took xrays which showed enlarged adenoids so her doctor & I had been in talks about possibly having them out too. Taylor has been struggling to breathe at night so I mentioned this, he gave us a nose spray to try first, we got our flu vaccines & were on our way.

Fast forward to 10/17....the girls wanted to stay at my grandma's after Sunday dinner to play with their cousins & I just wanted to go home & take a nap. My mom said she'd bring them home later if I left them there. I did & went home, told Mike my mom would be bringing them & I was taking a nap. When I got up from my nap Mike says he wants to show me something & that I could call my mom with any questions. He tells Callee to look up & it looks like she has rope burn & that someone tried to hang her! He said my mom told him the kids were playing on the swing set & as Callee was sliding down Casia pulled a jump rope that was tied to the swing set unaware of the consequences & it caught Callee's neck! Sunday night we are at a friends house & they are on yet another swing set with no jump rope attached....and Callee decides she'll catch Bella like she's done a thousand times before. The difference is this time Bella kicks Callee right in the mouth & there is blood everywhere. Let's recap...within 4 days she has a black eye, rope burn on her neck & a bloody, fat lip! Lacey has to take her to the doctor with her after daycare on Monday! Of course I am freaking out because I don't want the pediatrician (they see the same one) to see all the other injuries literally looked like I hung her & beat her. All went well, he did ask Lacey about the added marks, but wasn't suspicious of them....have I mentioned I do NOT want to have to deal with children's services?

So, on 10/29 Callee had to go back to the doctor because this bump formed on her cheek bone & it was still bruised. He wanted to make sure it wasn't a blood clot so he asked that she be seen. I took her in & it is a calcium deposit. It is from all the pressure from the blood calcifying & there was nowhere else for it to go because of the swelling. He said it could take up to 2 years for it to go away, but it should start going down over time. It is still there today, still bruised & not getting any smaller yet. While we were at that visit he mentioned that 2 weeks before & at this visit she had a low grade fever, but he sees no illness at all. I told him she's been dealing with low grade fevers for about 2 months & they are very random, usually happening at night. He said it concerned him & ordered a chest xray & blood work. When the results were in he decided to send her to a rheumatologist. She goes on December 17.

On Wednesday, 11/10/10 Lacey & Bella were spending the night at our house. Lacey had to be at work at 5 a.m. and I didn't want her waking Bella up that early & really I didn't want to have to get up that early either so we opted for them to just spend the night. I left to print pictures for Taylor's timeline project she had for school (really what 6 year old has done enough in their life to do a timeline?) As I'm driving home Mike calls & this is the conversation that transpired:

Mike: Ummmmmm I need you to come home.

Me: Why?

Mike: Callee may have busted her head open

Me: I'm on my way home, but may have as in she hit her head or like there's blood?

Mike: Like there's blood.....everywhere!

Me: What do you want me to do?

Mike: She needs to go to the hospital

Me: You are her father & you have a car, you take her

Mike: I can't

Me: Whatever, I'm on my way now!

So I get home & Lacey is trying to stop the bleeding, but tells me she thinks it just needs glued. I'm irritated at Mike at this point & all I wanted to do was go to bed early after a very bad day at work. So Lacey calls one Immediate Care & their waiting room is really full so I take her to the other one that isn't so full. Lacey is telling me how Mike panicked & didn't move once he saw the blood, that would be why he couldn't take her! I wasn't so mad then. So we get to Immediate Care & the doctor tells me he can't glue it, it's too deep. She needs stitches. Callee starts freaking out at the first sight of the needle & after trying to numb it for 15 minutes & only getting 1/2 cc of the med into her he tells me I need to take her to the Children's hospital that's about 25 mins away. They put gauze on it, give her a Popsicle & away we go. The Children's hospital got her all fixed up & we got home close to 1 much for going to bed early!

The hospital told me that she needs to visit her pediatrician on Friday, 11/12. I am thinking, that's good cuz they have an appointment to get the second dose of their flu shot (they did not get the H1N1 vaccine last year & this years flu vaccine has it in it so they needed 2 doses this year.) Then I remember it's only a nurse appointment on Friday so I need to call & see if they can see the doctor around the same time. They couldn't, but they cancelled the nurse appointment & just made the doctor's appointment. He said she looked good & to have them out on Monday like the hospital advised us. Then he asked if the nose spray was helping Taylor. Unfortunately it isn't because the night of the stitches Lacey slept with Tay & she woke up gasping for air & scared the crap out of Lacey....guess I forgot to mention she does this. So Taylor has to go to the ENT doctor on December 13th. Callee's stitches came out last night & they look we have to make sure she doesn't bust them open until they completely heal in the next 3 days. This should be fun!

And as a last mention, you notice Tay goes to her specialist on Monday, Dec. 13 & Cal goes to hers on Fri, Dec. 17....well my niece Bella is having the birth mark on her forehead removed on Tues, Dec. 14...should be an interesting week for our family. If you remember please keep my family in your prayers that week! We sure could use them.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Just for Jennie

I received a comment telling me to come out....that comment made me realize I haven't posted in almost 3 months! Geez, I didn't think it had been that long. I knew I was neglecting blogging, but didn't realize I had neglected it so much. I will try to do better.

So much has changed in the last 3 months.

As of September I am the only employee at my job. When I first started there were 2 part time girls. One went away to college & the other girl started doing both their jobs. In September my boss decided he had felt enough strain from the economy & it was time to lay off the other girl. After telling her he sat down & talked to me. The deal was he'd be here more often to pick up some of the slack & I'd have to pick up the rest. I am in the office Mon - Thurs & until noon on Friday. You'd think this would be a fantastic thing, except I have a lot more work to do & now I have no sick or vacation days. Also, the work calls are forwarded to my cell phone on Fridays until 5. So, while I'm not in the office I am still answering calls while I am at the doctor or running errands that I need to get done before 5 on Fridays. My boss has been here a total of 5 - 10 hours since September. Can you tell I'm not over the top excited about this new arrangement? I am making it work & stressed beyond belief, but it's been doable so far. I better get one heck of a Christmas bonus this year!
Taylor's first day of 1st grade:

Taylor has started first grade too. She is doing really well. She brings home 10 - 20 graded papers twice a week. Most are 100%, but every stack she gets there is always one that she missed one or two on. I couldn't be prouder, no one's perfect, but the overachiever in Taylor always apologizes for missing some & promises to do better next time. I can't get it through her head that she is doing amazingly well & there is no need for an apology. Last year we fought constantly about homework & what should have taken us 20 minutes max would take us an hour or longer. This year is a completely different story. She comes home & does most of her homework by herself & what she needs help with we do together while I'm making dinner or Mike will help her. He's been working a lot of hours so hasn't been very accessible when it comes to helping out. I am grateful for the extra hours, especially right before Christmas, but it's a catch 22 because I miss him & so do the girls.

On the marriage front things have improved a lot. We've had a few situations that were hard to handle, but we talked through it & came to an agreement on all of them. The agreements seem to be working so far so hopefully that continues. Like every other pitfall in our marriage I have been grateful for them. Not at the time of course, but looking back it has helped us grow & taught us things that we didn't realize about ourselves. Mike is being so open & honest about everything & I am controlling my reactions; he's even talking about feelings & general stuff. This was a major problem in our marriage. He said NOTHING...not about his day, what I did to irritate him, what he liked, about raising our kids....NOTHING! It frustrated me beyond belief, but it looks like we may be over that hump. I am not blind to the fact that it's a daily struggle for him & I'm sure there will be days where he goes back into his shell, but just having him realize & work on it is a huge weight lifted.

I'll save the post on Callee for another day because this one is all ready so long & that one will be a long one by itself. Maybe I'll start working on it tonight or tomorrow, but I'm hoping to have it posted by the end of the week.

Jennie, I hope you read all of this very long post, it was done for you!
The girls in their Halloween costumes: