Friday, May 2, 2008

Random Thoughts

So lately I have spent a lot of time alone in the car driving the kids to daycare and then picking them up. This gives me a lot of time to reflect on the week I've had, the parent I am and the day I'd like to have and other various thoughts. I usually don't listen to the radio because to be honest I like that reflection I have, time to think. Here are a few things that have been running through my head.

  1. The easiest thing I will do as a mother is give birth. Yes, it was painful; it wasn't easy, but raising them is a lot harder. Both situations will give rewards in the end, but giving birth was the easier of the two. I am constantly worried I will somehow screw them up beyond repair. What if they spend years in therapy at the age of 25 saying it was all my fault? Will they know I was trying my best and doing what I thought was best for them even if it doesn't turn out that way?

  2. I miss my husband more than I could have ever imagined I would. I used to joke around with him that he couldn't die while the girls were young, not for financial reasons, but because I need his emotional and mental support. I now know that is 100% true because I am on an emotional rollercoaster right now. Let's all pray two years goes by really fast or sometime soon he finds a different job maybe working more flexible hours.

  3. I am seriously contemplating going on an anti-depressant. Like I mentioned I am on an emotional rollercoaster right now and it's not fair to my kids. I am going to try and clear all the unhealthy things out of my system first. I was doing so well with dieting and eating healthy and then I got down to a decent weight and have fallen off the bandwagon. I haven't gained any weight back, but I feel so heavy and unhealthy. I am going on a juice diet next week and then am only eating healthy from here on out. I was thinking about fasting one meal a day, but then my sister mentioned this juice diet one of her best friends does once a month and she loves the results and feels great! I am thinking if I clear all the toxins out of my system, maybe it will help me feel better and therefore be less irritable. I'll let you know on Monday the 12th because I will start it this Monday and do it for a week.

  4. I am not the mother I want to be. I have had very little patience lately and my kids are starting to become out of control. They don't listen to anything I say and they have the biggest attitudes at 1 1/2 and 4.
  5. Taylors sticker chart is going to need to return! I am going to get the stuff for it after work and making it with her tonight after Callee goes to bed. I don't know why we stopped doing it because their was a 150% difference in her behavior when we did it. Now we are going back in hopes that it will once again work.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. This list is meant not to offend anyone, I was just jotting down my thoughts.


suchsimplepleasures said...

i've been considering going on anti-depressants! sometimes there is just waaaaaaay too much stuff going on and you need help with the coping factor...y'know!!

Angela said...

Raising children is hard work
I do agree it makes a huge difference to have additional support
I do hope you are able to get some smiles back soon. You need to takecare of yourself.
Happy thoughts sent your way

AZMom said...

I hear you on the no patience thing. I've been there too and alternate on having little to no patience during the week too. Busy Boy has an attitude and a half right now and it is very hard to control him sometimes. He had an hour long temper tantrum today and I am whipped from it myself.

Kristi said...

I am soo with you on the mother I wanted to be. I yell and then feel so bad about it later. I find myself apologizing to the kids after they fall asleep at night.

HRH said...

We all have these thoughts about not being the kind of mom we want to be. You sound really overwhelmed and in need of a hug and a nap. Please don't go on a crazy diet next week. Just cut back a bit and try to sneak something healthy in. I am afraid just drinking juice would send me over the edge! Is there any way that you can get a little extra help with the girls and/or the house? Just a little could give you a little rest. Hang in there! You are doing good.