Random Thoughts

So lately I have spent a lot of time alone in the car driving the kids to daycare and then picking them up. This gives me a lot of time to reflect on the week I've had, the parent I am and the day I'd like to have and other various thoughts. I usually don't listen to the radio because to be honest I like that reflection I have, time to think. Here are a few things that have been running through my head.

1. The easiest thing I will do as a mother is give birth. Yes, it was painful; it wasn't easy, but raising them is a lot harder. Both situations will give rewards in the end, but giving birth was the easier of the two. I am constantly worried I will somehow screw them up beyond repair. What if they spend years in therapy at the age of 25 saying it was all my fault? Will they know I was trying my best and doing what I thought was best for them even if it doesn't turn out that way?


2. I miss my husband more than I could have ever imagined I would. I used to joke around with him that he couldn't die while the girls were young, not for financial reasons, but because I need his emotional and mental support. I now know that is 100% true because I am on an emotional rollercoaster right now. Let's all pray two years goes by really fast or sometime soon he finds a different job maybe working more flexible hours.


3. I am seriously contemplating going on an anti-depressant. Like I mentioned I am on an emotional rollercoaster right now and it's not fair to my kids. I am going to try and clear all the unhealthy things out of my system first. I was doing so well with dieting and eating healthy and then I got down to a decent weight and have fallen off the bandwagon. I haven't gained any weight back, but I feel so heavy and unhealthy. I am going on a juice diet next week and then am only eating healthy from here on out. I was thinking about fasting one meal a day, but then my sister mentioned this juice diet one of her best friends does once a month and she loves the results and feels great! I am thinking if I clear all the toxins out of my system, maybe it will help me feel better and therefore be less irritable. I'll let you know on Monday the 12th because I will start it this Monday and do it for a week.


4. I am not the mother I want to be. I have had very little patience lately and my kids are starting to become out of control. They don't listen to anything I say and they have the biggest attitudes at 1 1/2 and 4.
5. Taylors sticker chart is going to need to return! I am going to get the stuff for it after work and making it with her tonight after Callee goes to bed. I don't know why we stopped doing it because their was a 150% difference in her behavior when we did it. Now we are going back in hopes that it will once again work.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. This list is meant not to offend anyone, I was just jotting down my thoughts.