Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Can't let it go

Let me start by saying this is not to blast anyone or have anyone blast my friend. It is simply something that is weighing on my mind, that I have addressed with my friend, but feel a need to blog about it too.

So I have a friend that is pregnant with baby number 3. Her & her husband have 2 beautiful girls now & are really hoping for a boy. I see nothing wrong with hoping for one gender or another, but this friend has said she is considering not finding out the gender because they don't want to be disappointed for 4 plus months if it's another girl. That is where I have a problem...reading that made me feel like someone punched me in the stomach.

Most, if not all of you know what I went through with Callee's pregnancy & delivery so maybe that's why I'm so sensitive to this comment. If you don't know you can read about it here. I want to believe it's not just me though & here is a little excerpt of the private message I sent her on facebook explaining why I feel it was so wrong & why I believe I am probably not the only offended one.

"I am only one example of knowing the importance of a safe, healthy delivery & baby. Think about the parents who have children with terrible birth defects & would give anything for a healthy baby. What about the parents who have lost a child & know it doesn't matter if it was a boy or girl because they had that child for a short time, but the ache in their heart where they will forever hold the memories with that child doesn't label boy or girl. The hurt isn't different if you lose a boy or if you lose a girl. What about the people reading that comment that have been trying for years to have a baby & can't. They'd give anything to have a baby, boy or girl."

To add to this it also offends me when people ask why we aren't going to try one more time to give Mike the boy he deserves. Ummmmm......excuse me, deserves? God gives you what he wants to & he wanted us to have 2 girls. We are both happy with the children we have (maybe not all the time because they are rotten, but that's not based on gender.) Mike has even said he is glad we didn't have a boy because he was never good enough at anything for his dad. Even if he was the fastest, he could've run a second faster, etc. He was afraid he'd be like that with his son & it wasn't fair.

He is the perfect "girl dad" and is great at it. He used to let them do his hair (when he had hair), still lets them do his make up & paint his toes. They are sporty when he wants them to be & he is girly when they want him to be. It works for us & we are happy! I really wish people would stop asking this & consider for a second that maybe we are truly happy with 2 beautiful, happy, healthy girls who have 2 very loving & supportive parents.

I think I will step down from my soap box now. I am done venting, but for anyone reading this please next time you are pregnant think about this. Like I said I don't believe it is wrong to hope for one gender over another, but to say you'd be disappointed is offensive.

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