Maybe blogging will help

If you are friends with me on facebook you're probably wondering what is going on....well I'm about to spill it here.

When I was in the car accident 3 years and 8 months ago I tore a tendon in my knee. I had a surgery to repair that, but still had a lot of pain and very limited mobility. After 9 months I had another "exploratory surgery" to see if something was missed. My doctor found a lot of damaged cartilage and smoothed it out. The last surgery was in May of 2007 & I didn't start having problems again until around February of 2009....little issues. By November of 2009 it got a lot worse so I went back to the doctor. I got a cortisone shot & that helped for 4 days.

In February my doctor decided maybe it was time to smooth out the cartilage again. I scheduled the surgery after jumping through hoops for the attorneys and insurance company for March 19....there was relief in sight! I call my lawyer yesterday to let them know about what the hospital said and she said, "You have to have a second opinion. It's scheduled for March 26."

Ok, hold on....one week after my surgery I have to have the insurance companies choice of doctors check me out for a second opinion????? By the way, the doctor they chose is a horrible doctor....I know many people that he has screwed up on so that alone irritates me, but then I have to go a week after surgery? So I asked her if I should not have my surgery because he's going to say there's nothing wrong....well duh, I just paid $6000 to have it fixed, of course you can't find anything, my doctor is good!

So my lawyer is now working on changing the appt to Weds or Thurs, it's now 2:50 on Tues so I am not holding my breath on this one. If they can't get it changed to Weds or Thurs then I have to cancel my surgery, so no relief....because of the doctors schedule & my work schedule I won't be able to have it done until September. That is a harsh reality and punch to the gut, but I am trying to stay positive....these are minor, albeit frustrating, details.

I have to remember that I have a happy, healthy, strong, feisty almost 4 year old who with all things considered probably shouldn't have made it through what she did. So I could be irritated with having a delay of surgery, but also mourning the loss of a child....I don't have to mourn her because she's here, alive, breathing & beating all odds. I have to stay focused on the positives or I'll fall into a depression & then they win....they beat me and beat me and beat me until I quit fighting....I can't and won't give them that power.

Thanks for listening...this was more for me to get it all out and vent then to have anyone read it so if you did...thanks!