Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Why did we have a 2nd child?

This is a question I ask myself often, not because I don't love my child, but because Taylor makes comments like, "I don't want a baby sister anymore," and "Can we take her back now? I'm sure somebody else would like to have her." I often wonder if I did her a disservice by having another child or maybe I'm doing Callee a disservice because I think about how life would have been without her. I know that is horrible and I realized just how horrific that sounded when I typed it out.

I have really been thinking about this lately because my older sister is really acting lately like my mom did her a huge disservice by not keeping her an only child. This is a horrible thing because she is much too old to be acting like this and Taylor is all ready saying these terrible things and she is only 3. I wonder if Callee will feel like I do now in 25 years. Will she be thinking, "Taylor would have had a better life without me?" or "Suck it up, you're too old to be acting this way, you didn't have a rough life and it could have been so much worse."
Taylor is also the child who when Callee got cut by a razor cried harder and longer than Callee did because "My baby sister is bleeding and I don't want her to be in pain." I don't know what to do to make her realize that she does love her sister by the words that she says. She doesn't say she doesn't like Callee when Callee is messing with her toys either. It is at very random times. Callee can be sitting as still as a, something that sits very still, and Taylor will come over to me and say, "I don't want a baby sister anymore." Any suggestions? Advice is greatly appreciated.
Who couldn't love this baby?

****The older they get the more I realize this doesn't get easier, it gets harder!!! I should have kept Taylor one forever! Someone needs to find a way to do that, keep them a certain age!

15 comments:

Carey said...

The things siblings say. I keep reminding the kids they shouldnt say stuff like that, and that one day, (hopefully) they will all end up best friends, and you will lean on each other through hards times, and fun times, and that even though you may be mad, it doesnt mean you should be hurtful.
Thanks for stopping by earlier, I hope you are having a great day.

Mimi's Toes said...

I'm sure my sister probably said that about me when we were little...but now, we are still best friends after 50 some years. They are so cute..

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Pam in Colorado said...

My first two children were best friends until my daughter turned 6-7 and her brother was 3-4 years old. The age differences became apparent and their likes and dislikes got in the way of the common good.

In their younger teen years, I heard my daughter say similar things about her brother. She often said she wished she had been an only child. Funny, now she was the oldest of five, had the most freedoms, but with freedom comes more responsibility as well.

Now she is married. Her husband is becoming the older brother my son always wanted. My daughter is actually becoming protective of her brother again. Time can produce content siblings again.

My youngest two adore their "bonus brother" - my nephew who moved in with us 6+ years ago. He plays with them, takes them shopping... their other brother (same one from the first paragraph) is now warming their hearts a bit more as he has always been their nemesis with his teasing...

The little girls (6 & 7) are best friends, and I hope always will be. Being the two youngest, 16 months apart and same sex, they share 95% of the same interests and tastes. They do squabble at times, but usually they are inseparable. I'm praying this remains so for their whole lives.

Hang in there. Your girls seem to have a bond deeper than their minds recognize and that may make a huge difference once your youngest becomes older and they can do more things together at the older daughter's skill level.

Keep us posted.

Kellan said...

I have a hard time with Little Billy and Alexis - it is not easy. I think the answer is to give each one as much one on one time as possible. The older ones feel left out and become jealous because the little ones are so much more needy and demanding. They are lucky to have each other - just try to do everything to make them realize that.

Have a good afternoon Courtney - see you later. Kellan

girlymom said...

I agree with Kellan~ Give each of them special attention, point out the good things that each child does, no matter how small and then find things that they can do together. I try and avoid things like, no you can't watch that show because your little sister isn't old enough for it, instead I would say, no you can't watch that show because it isn't appropriate for our house. I also try and make a point to the older ones that whatever they do, they are the ones taeching the younger ones. "Look the baby smiled, you must have taught her that..." As they get older and the playing field evens out, they will play better together and enjoy each other more. It's tough, but you'll get there! :)

KC said...

I think all kids say stuff like that and I wouldn't really worry to much about it, as along as she isn't YOUR Sisters age saying stuff like that.
I mean I would tell her it isn't nice to say stuff like that because it will hurt peoples feelings and correct her when she does stuff like that, but as far as worrying anymore about it I would just let that right out your mind and not over think things. What I found out about siblings is that they can be as mean as they want to each other one minute and the next be the best of friends. and they bind together if anyone is picking on the other. I use to think the fighting might had to do with them being close in age.. because my sister and I use to fight all the time and we were 2 years apart.. but my brother and I for the most part never got in fights and we were 5 years apart.. After having my kids I found out that isn't true.. my 1st 2 are 4 years apart and my 2nd and 3rd are 2 years apart.. and they all fight. My oldest was an only child for 4 years and wanted a baby in the family.. now that she is the oldest of 4 she still says "why didn't you stop at one" and there are 9 years between #1 and #4 and those two will even fight over stuff and pick on each other.. So I think it is just part of life..
Now there might be a problem if they are adults complaining about this sort of thing..
So just reminds them that they love each other and don't let them get away with fighting or saying things without correcting them.. but I wouldn't worry to much that you did her a disservice or anything.. because if she was meant to have been an only child then she would have been.. Remind her that God picked her to be Callee's big sister because God thought she was the best person for the job and there is Nobody in this world who could have done a better job then she could. Explain to her Good things about herself that makes her a good big sister and tell her how much Callee looks up to her.. Don't make her be the babysitter of her sister or make her always be the one cleaning up at her little sister.. but explain to her that Callee looks to her on what is right and what is wrong and how to act and how not to act.. and that she is the most important person to Callee because Callee loves her so much.. I think that will make her look at being a big sister and having a little sister a little differently... but don't expect the who I wish I was an only child to end altogether because that is just part of life.

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my wonderful men... said...

This will pass.

My sis and I are what they call Irish Twins at times we were so close growing up and other times we were trying to killing each other.

My son is an only child and he always wanted a brother or sister. When he finally got a step-brother he was so happy, problem is he doesn't live with us and because his step-brother was a teenager and very involed with school, and sports blah, blah, what I'm saying is that my son is still an only child and still wishes he had a brother.

Jen said...

Aww! She's precious. I'm sorry, I don't know what advice to offer. As one of the older children there were times I didn't like having younger siblings. It was usually when I didn't feel I was getting any attention from my busy parents. *hugs*

HRH said...

I think we totally underestimate the impact that new siblings have on the oldest. I think it is really hard on them on too many levels to explore. That being said, I think the sacrifice is so worth it. I had the same situation between 1 and 2. My oldest would just haul off and hit the baby! They still live to fight, but at night I sneak it to see them sleeping together all curled up like kittens. So it can't be all bad! By the way, the transition from 2 to 3 is much easier! The oldest one gets it. The middle one has always had to share. In fact my oldest keeps asking for a new baby...fat chance! Some days are just easier in this area then others.

Skittle said...

I was 3 when my sister Mrs. Mandypoo was born. After a few days I asked my mom when we could take her back where we got her from. I pretty much felt this way for several years. By middle school and high school we were becoming friends, and now she is by far my best friend. Things will get better. It is normal, and if you didn't have Callee, Taylor would be asking for a baby sister. (Trust me. I hear it all the time from my 9 year old only child).

AZMom said...

It is definitely a sibling thing. It does NOT get easier as they get older. In fact, the words they use get worse. My daughter will say, can we send BB back to Korea? I am sure he will be much happier there! Ugh! He loves his sissy to death and never says an unkind word. My daughter would love to be an only child. LOL

Hang in there!! As I am fond of saying..this too shall pass...right into another phase.

The Roaming Southerner said...

I think everyone has offered good advice: giving them seperate attention...but the two things my parents always did with me (the oldest with two brothers) was say over and over and over again, "you are special because you are their big sister and no one is more important and you will always have them and they will always have you...family is the most important yadda yadda parent stuff." I guess I'm just saying, that saying it over and over to them through the years will make it stick.

The second is that my parents always made us say I love you to each other. Leaving the house, on the phone, got in trouble. "I love you" was used every time. And now at 26, 24, 22, we always say I love you...even my grouchy middle brother said it when in high school. He knew he had to say it (my parents had stopped making us say it but it was habit and we knew that it means alot to say it)....
just reinforcing the positive will make a difference in the long run

Lisa said...

When I found out I was having our second little lady, a friend who had FOUR girls told me the following....
Remind them daily that they are best friends. If you tell them every day how lucky they are to be sisters and you your sister will be your best friend forever, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. I don't know how it will be when they're sixteen and fourteen, but right now my girls are each others best friends, and are always telling each other how much they love each other. I'm not saying they don't fight/bicker non-stop - they do, but always end up loving each other too!