Quiet Chaos

where have i been?

2011-07-18T13:23:00.001-04:00

Facebook, dealing with life & I started a new, very anonymous blog about a month or two ago. So, that explains the lack of posts here, but I am trying.

Can't let it go

2011-01-19T11:47:00.004-05:00

Let me start by saying this is not to blast anyone or have anyone blast my friend. It is simply something that is weighing on my mind, that I have addressed with my friend, but feel a need to blog about it too.

So I have a friend that is pregnant with baby number 3. Her & her husband have 2 beautiful girls now & are really hoping for a boy. I see nothing wrong with hoping for one gender or another, but this friend has said she is considering not finding out the gender because they don't want to be disappointed for 4 plus months if it's another girl. That is where I have a problem...reading that made me feel like someone punched me in the stomach.

Most, if not all of you know what I went through with Callee's pregnancy & delivery so maybe that's why I'm so sensitive to this comment. If you don't know you can read about it here. I want to believe it's not just me though & here is a little excerpt of the private message I sent her on facebook explaining why I feel it was so wrong & why I believe I am probably not the only offended one.

"I am only one example of knowing the importance of a safe, healthy delivery & baby. Think about the parents who have children with terrible birth defects & would give anything for a healthy baby. What about the parents who have lost a child & know it doesn't matter if it was a boy or girl because they had that child for a short time, but the ache in their heart where they will forever hold the memories with that child doesn't label boy or girl. The hurt isn't different if you lose a boy or if you lose a girl. What about the people reading that comment that have been trying for years to have a baby & can't. They'd give anything to have a baby, boy or girl."

To add to this it also offends me when people ask why we aren't going to try one more time to give Mike the boy he deserves. Ummmmm......excuse me, deserves? God gives you what he wants to & he wanted us to have 2 girls. We are both happy with the children we have (maybe not all the time because they are rotten, but that's not based on gender.) Mike has even said he is glad we didn't have a boy because he was never good enough at anything for his dad. Even if he was the fastest, he could've run a second faster, etc. He was afraid he'd be like that with his son & it wasn't fair.

He is the perfect "girl dad" and is great at it. He used to let them do his hair (when he had hair), still lets them do his make up & paint his toes. They are sporty when he wants them to be & he is girly when they want him to be. It works for us & we are happy! I really wish people would stop asking this & consider for a second that maybe we are truly happy with 2 beautiful, happy, healthy girls who have 2 very loving & supportive parents.

I think I will step down from my soap box now. I am done venting, but for anyone reading this please next time you are pregnant think about this. Like I said I don't believe it is wrong to hope for one gender over another, but to say you'd be disappointed is offensive.

Callee (ok & Taylor too).....

2010-11-16T13:52:00.008-05:00

.....are going to drive me crazy! I love these children to death, but the ER trips & doctor visits lately are getting to be out of hand. I'm going to try to document all of this in order, but it's been a lot in the past 4 weeks so I apologize if it seems to be a jumbled mess, but it is sort of a jumbled mess in my head too.

The mayhem all started on 10/14/10. We have Caravan at our church on Thursday nights (it's like a Christian based boy scout/girl scout thing) & I am a leader of one of the groups. Afterwards I stayed & talked to the head honcho & my ex cousin in law (yes sounds weird I know) who I've remained friends with. Here's a picture of our kids that are 13 days apart:

Callee & Ashley (on the right) were running & I had told both of them numerous times to stop running....one, it is disrespectful to run in the church & two, someone was going to get hurt! They decided to be normal 4 year olds & not listen, so as I was saying it was ridiculous that Callee couldn't listen so I could talk to Shelly & Susan (Ashley's mom) & that we were leaving, Callee takes off running towards the door. Ashley starts running towards her & of course they collide! I thought they bumped heads & before looking at the damage I had to bite my tongue from saying, "Do you see what happens when you don't listen? That's what you get!" I'm glad I bit my tongue because as I lifted Callee off the floor to survey the damage I see this eye that is deformed & swelling rapidly. She had a tiny bruise forming 10 seconds after impact on her cheek bone too. We tried ice & it didn't help so I wanted to take her to Immediate Care to have it x-rayed just in case she broke her cheek bone.Btw, Ashley had a small goose egg on her head that disappeared within an hour & was fine. She happened to put her head down at the right second. So, Callee's cheek bone was not broken thank goodness, but he wanted her to see her pediatrician the next day because the eye was very swollen & nasty looking. Taylor needed to see the doctor that day too for a possible UTI (which she didn't have either!) So I take them both, he said Taylor was negative on the UTI & Callee's eye could take over a month to completely heal, but he didn't see any lasting damage to the eye itself. He said if any strange things appear to call & he'd want to see her again. I have to add here too that during the bus accident with Taylor in the spring they took xrays which showed enlarged adenoids so her doctor & I had been in talks about possibly having them out too. Taylor has been struggling to breathe at night so I mentioned this, he gave us a nose spray to try first, we got our flu vaccines & were on our way.

Fast forward to 10/17....the girls wanted to stay at my grandma's after Sunday dinner to play with their cousins & I just wanted to go home & take a nap. My mom said she'd bring them home later if I left them there. I did & went home, told Mike my mom would be bringing them & I was taking a nap. When I got up from my nap Mike says he wants to show me something & that I could call my mom with any questions. He tells Callee to look up & it looks like she has rope burn & that someone tried to hang her! He said my mom told him the kids were playing on the swing set & as Callee was sliding down Casia pulled a jump rope that was tied to the swing set unaware of the consequences & it caught Callee's neck! Sunday night we are at a friends house & they are on yet another swing set with no jump rope attached....and Callee decides she'll catch Bella like she's done a thousand times before. The difference is this time Bella kicks Callee right in the mouth & there is blood everywhere. Let's recap...within 4 days she has a black eye, rope burn on her neck & a bloody, fat lip! Lacey has to take her to the doctor with her after daycare on Monday! Of course I am freaking out because I don't want the pediatrician (they see the same one) to see all the other injuries too....it literally looked like I hung her & beat her. All went well, he did ask Lacey about the added marks, but wasn't suspicious of them....have I mentioned I do NOT want to have to deal with children's services?

So, on 10/29 Callee had to go back to the doctor because this bump formed on her cheek bone & it was still bruised. He wanted to make sure it wasn't a blood clot so he asked that she be seen. I took her in & it is a calcium deposit. It is from all the pressure from the blood calcifying & there was nowhere else for it to go because of the swelling. He said it could take up to 2 years for it to go away, but it should start going down over time. It is still there today, still bruised & not getting any smaller yet. While we were at that visit he mentioned that 2 weeks before & at this visit she had a low grade fever, but he sees no illness at all. I told him she's been dealing with low grade fevers for about 2 months & they are very random, usually happening at night. He said it concerned him & ordered a chest xray & blood work. When the results were in he decided to send her to a rheumatologist. She goes on December 17.

On Wednesday, 11/10/10 Lacey & Bella were spending the night at our house. Lacey had to be at work at 5 a.m. and I didn't want her waking Bella up that early & really I didn't want to have to get up that early either so we opted for them to just spend the night. I left to print pictures for Taylor's timeline project she had for school (really what 6 year old has done enough in their life to do a timeline?) As I'm driving home Mike calls & this is the conversation that transpired:

Mike: Ummmmmm I need you to come home.

Me: Why?

Mike: Callee may have busted her head open

Me: I'm on my way home, but may have as in she hit her head or like there's blood?

Mike: Like there's blood.....everywhere!

Me: What do you want me to do?

Mike: She needs to go to the hospital

Me: You are her father & you have a car, you take her

Mike: I can't

Me: Whatever, I'm on my way now!

So I get home & Lacey is trying to stop the bleeding, but tells me she thinks it just needs glued. I'm irritated at Mike at this point & all I wanted to do was go to bed early after a very bad day at work. So Lacey calls one Immediate Care & their waiting room is really full so I take her to the other one that isn't so full. Lacey is telling me how Mike panicked & didn't move once he saw the blood, that would be why he couldn't take her! I wasn't so mad then. So we get to Immediate Care & the doctor tells me he can't glue it, it's too deep. She needs stitches. Callee starts freaking out at the first sight of the needle & after trying to numb it for 15 minutes & only getting 1/2 cc of the med into her he tells me I need to take her to the Children's hospital that's about 25 mins away. They put gauze on it, give her a Popsicle & away we go. The Children's hospital got her all fixed up & we got home close to 1 a.m.....so much for going to bed early!

The hospital told me that she needs to visit her pediatrician on Friday, 11/12. I am thinking, that's good cuz they have an appointment to get the second dose of their flu shot (they did not get the H1N1 vaccine last year & this years flu vaccine has it in it so they needed 2 doses this year.) Then I remember it's only a nurse appointment on Friday so I need to call & see if they can see the doctor around the same time. They couldn't, but they cancelled the nurse appointment & just made the doctor's appointment. He said she looked good & to have them out on Monday like the hospital advised us. Then he asked if the nose spray was helping Taylor. Unfortunately it isn't because the night of the stitches Lacey slept with Tay & she woke up gasping for air & scared the crap out of Lacey....guess I forgot to mention she does this. So Taylor has to go to the ENT doctor on December 13th. Callee's stitches came out last night & they look good....now we have to make sure she doesn't bust them open until they completely heal in the next 3 days. This should be fun!

And as a last mention, you notice Tay goes to her specialist on Monday, Dec. 13 & Cal goes to hers on Fri, Dec. 17....well my niece Bella is having the birth mark on her forehead removed on Tues, Dec. 14...should be an interesting week for our family. If you remember please keep my family in your prayers that week! We sure could use them.

Just for Jennie

2010-11-09T11:12:00.004-05:00

I received a comment telling me to come out....that comment made me realize I haven't posted in almost 3 months! Geez, I didn't think it had been that long. I knew I was neglecting blogging, but didn't realize I had neglected it so much. I will try to do better.

So much has changed in the last 3 months.

As of September I am the only employee at my job. When I first started there were 2 part time girls. One went away to college & the other girl started doing both their jobs. In September my boss decided he had felt enough strain from the economy & it was time to lay off the other girl. After telling her he sat down & talked to me. The deal was he'd be here more often to pick up some of the slack & I'd have to pick up the rest. I am in the office Mon - Thurs & until noon on Friday. You'd think this would be a fantastic thing, except I have a lot more work to do & now I have no sick or vacation days. Also, the work calls are forwarded to my cell phone on Fridays until 5. So, while I'm not in the office I am still answering calls while I am at the doctor or running errands that I need to get done before 5 on Fridays. My boss has been here a total of 5 - 10 hours since September. Can you tell I'm not over the top excited about this new arrangement? I am making it work & stressed beyond belief, but it's been doable so far. I better get one heck of a Christmas bonus this year!

Taylor's first day of 1st grade:

Taylor has started first grade too. She is doing really well. She brings home 10 - 20 graded papers twice a week. Most are 100%, but every stack she gets there is always one that she missed one or two on. I couldn't be prouder, no one's perfect, but the overachiever in Taylor always apologizes for missing some & promises to do better next time. I can't get it through her head that she is doing amazingly well & there is no need for an apology. Last year we fought constantly about homework & what should have taken us 20 minutes max would take us an hour or longer. This year is a completely different story. She comes home & does most of her homework by herself & what she needs help with we do together while I'm making dinner or Mike will help her. He's been working a lot of hours so hasn't been very accessible when it comes to helping out. I am grateful for the extra hours, especially right before Christmas, but it's a catch 22 because I miss him & so do the girls.

On the marriage front things have improved a lot. We've had a few situations that were hard to handle, but we talked through it & came to an agreement on all of them. The agreements seem to be working so far so hopefully that continues. Like every other pitfall in our marriage I have been grateful for them. Not at the time of course, but looking back it has helped us grow & taught us things that we didn't realize about ourselves. Mike is being so open & honest about everything & I am controlling my reactions; he's even talking about feelings & general stuff. This was a major problem in our marriage. He said NOTHING...not about his day, what I did to irritate him, what he liked, about raising our kids....NOTHING! It frustrated me beyond belief, but it looks like we may be over that hump. I am not blind to the fact that it's a daily struggle for him & I'm sure there will be days where he goes back into his shell, but just having him realize & work on it is a huge weight lifted.

I'll save the post on Callee for another day because this one is all ready so long & that one will be a long one by itself. Maybe I'll start working on it tonight or tomorrow, but I'm hoping to have it posted by the end of the week.

Jennie, I hope you read all of this very long post, it was done for you!

The girls in their Halloween costumes:

Sad & won't apologize....

2010-08-18T15:59:00.003-04:00

So the title is a little strange, but it's how I feel. I am so sad that our summer is coming to an end so quickly. This has been one of the best, most memorable summers in my adult life. We've visited family, made many park trips, had tons of sleepovers, enjoyed the scorching hot temps & rising humidity & even had time to visit a couple amusement parks.

Last summer we barely hit 80 all summer & 2 1/2 months of our summer was spent in the low to mid 70's. I went into fall thinking, "we only had spring this year, there was no summer at all!" This year is a different story & I'm so grateful for the 90 degree days & 75 - 90% humidity we've been having. I am aware of how strange that sounds, but these are the summer days I remember growing up with & these are the summer days I want my kids to remember. We have made new memories & built upon old ones!

So about the not apologizing statement; I cannot apologize for not blogging recently! We have been too busy having fun, making memories & enjoying ourselves that every night I am completely exhausted & only want to veg on the couch. I don't even have enough energy to get the laptop & type on that...yes I am VERY tired! I wouldn't change an ounce of it though because as I said before we are having a fantastic summer!

Taylor goes back to school on August 30, which means homework, early bedtimes & the rushing of evenings. For now I will enjoy the time I am able to spend with my kids, keep them up late, run them ragged & deal with the meltdowns that ensue from 2 exhausted children!

This week we've had family in town & visited a water park & hung out with them Sunday & Monday. We've had lots of sleepovers with my niece & nephew & we take turns with whose house they are staying at on different nights. We've had at least one a week for the past 4 weeks. Thursday night we are going to a baseball game & Friday we will spend the evening with my family that is in from out of town before they leave on Saturday morning. This weekend we have Mike's work picnic on Saturday, church on Sunday morning & Mike's family reunion on Sunday afternoon. I'm not sure what next week will hold, but next Saturday is my nephew's birthday & party & Sunday my friend is having a barbecue we are planning to attend.

That following Monday is Taylor's first day of first grade & her first day of all day school. The district we live in only has 1/2 day Kindergarten so she didn't go all day last year. I am scarred, nervous, sad (that she's growing up so fast) and proud of her all at the same time....if that's possible! I really wish I could slow time down a little & have this next week and a half crawl by...I'm not ready for our summer to end. This time next year I will be getting 2 ready for school & just the thought of that makes the tears well up!

So, after all of this babbling, I just wanted to say, when the weather gets cold, time slows down & a school routine is set I will be blogging more regularly. In the meantime I hope every one's enjoying their summer as much as we are. Leave a comment with your favorite part of summer or a memory you've made this summer!

Why can't time slow down?

2010-07-09T14:45:00.001-04:00

4 years ago today (at 3:21 pm to be exact) I gave birth to my last baby! Time seems to fly & it's so hard to believe that it's been 4 years all ready. That screaming, unhappy, non sleeping child has grown into an unbelievably active, sweet, moody, crazy, wouldn't change a minute of it 4 year old!

This time of year is so hard for me....no matter how hard I fight it, it always seems to creep in, the sadness, the depression & noone understands. I don't really expect anyone to, but it just sucks. I get tired of hearing, what's wrong? It's ok, it was 4 years ago, etc. I try to be happy and yesterday I thought I'd be fine. I fought it all day & was good. I was fine all morning & around 1 pm the tears started. I hate it! I wish I could wipe it out of my subconscious.

I am so happy to be celebrating Callee's 4th birthday instead of the anniversary of her death. I am excited that she hasn't had issues from being a preemie so why can't my mind be happy too? I hate, hate, hate it!

So tonight we will go to Mike's graduation & have dinner. I will be happy to see a child smiling back at me instead of wondering what she'd be like. I will not get upset because she didn't sit still, be quiet or finish her dinner. Instead I will be thanking God for every minute I've gotten to spend with this child, but deep inside I will be fighting off the sadness & tears. I hope they stay away & it can be a happy day for Mike & Callee.

If you all have a minute say a prayer for me because I really just want Callee's birthday to start being a happy occasion that I don't have to fight tears & put on a smile when I really want to lay in bed all day & cry! She deserves the same happy celebration her sister gets year after year & I am determined to make it that way one of these years! Sooner would be better!

WW - Out on the boat....I wish I was back there after the day I've had!

2010-07-07T15:51:00.001-04:00

Drama....I hate it!

2010-06-22T11:39:00.002-04:00

So I wrote previously about Mike's cousin and his girlfriend and the issues we've had there. We still have not gone to any family functions since Christmas and not sure if we ever will again. We have spoken to his one aunt and made attempts to speak to the other, but it's obvious since it's her son she's upset with us. Which is fine, I have never been in that situation with my child so I don't know how I'd handle it and everyone handles things differently. She does need to realize though, she will not be a part of my children's lives because you would actually need to speak to myself or Mike to do that!

So, things have been quiet in that aspect of life because we don't go to things and we seldom talk to most people in Mike's family. I like it this way and I think Mike likes it because there is no drama that goes with it. Onto my family now!

Some of you are friends with me on facebook and probably saw the long conversation/fight/rant that went on last week or the week before. Let me give you the background information first. Keri, who is my cousin, is 4 months younger than my older sister. My older sister is borderline genius (no I am not kidding) when it comes to books, life she might be borderline slow! I love the girl, but she has made her fair share of mistakes. Keri's mom has seemed to form this "competition" of sorts since the day they were born...who walked first, who talked first, who was potty trained first, who got better grades...you get the point! My mom had told her a few times she needed to stop and she insisted it wasn't a competition that she was only curious about things. My mom stopped telling her any achievement my sister got, but since they went to the same school my aunt always found out. She justified all of this by telling Keri that she had better clothes, etc. because they had more money. Well, when that's what you've been told it leads you to believe you are better than people.

So fast forward a whole lotta years with off and on competitions, cat fights and jealousy and we are now to present day. Keri has 2 kids (well 3 if you count the one noone's supposed to know about that she gave up for adoption); a boy, age 8 and a girl, age 6. Her son C is always being compared to my nephew who will be 10 in August....a little unfair comparison given the age difference, but if his mom feels the need to compare, there's nothing we can do, but not compare! So my nephew made all stars last year and his tournament was July 4 weekend. We went to his tournament which ended around 4 and went to my aunts for a picnic. Keri asked why we were late and we told her (btw, Alissa has not gone to a family function in about 4 years because the competition, etc has gotten so out of hand, but it only seems to be with Keri.) She goes into this 10 minute rant about how C will never play all stars if it means missing a holiday, that is the dumbest thing she's ever heard and why would Alissa let CJ play? Never once did she say congratulations to him or even mention it was great he was picked. When we walked away my mom and I said, "do you think she's jealous C didn't make all stars?"

Flash forward to last week and Keri's status is, "Yay C made all stars so proud of him!" I commented, "Congrats C, but I thought you'd never let him play?" That turned into WW3. I said nothing out of line in our argument, someone else took a few comments too far, but to each their own! I did not make rude or ignorant comments about her mom, her kids or her family except when I said I didn't appreciate R saying she was better than Taylor because she has more toys (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.) Then I told her, her mom was made aware of it at the time because she was in charge of her at the time and I'm sorry her mom didn't feel it was necessary to let her know what was said. I'll post the whole "I'm better than Taylor" scenario below. So in this FB argument she blamed my mom for everything (strike one) and then on Sunday (5 days after the fact) her brother posts a status attacking my kids.

After the whole argument I deleted her, her brother and her mom off my friends list....well she deleted me first I suppose, but you know what I mean. I am tired of the drama and I knew what would happen if I didn't delete all of them. So his status on Sunday was, "YAY C MADE ALL STARS & YES I AM RUBBING IT IN YOUR FACE CUZ YOUR KIDS SUCK! I WASN'T EVEN IN THE HOOPLA & GOT DEFRIENDED SO I'LL SAY WHATEVER I WANT...BTW, NOONE LIKES YOU AND YOUR KIDS SUCK! C, YOU'RE AN ALL STAR! YOUR KIDS SUCK!" Ummm, you have to be a special kind of stupid to attack kids. Lacey commented on it about him being immature & ignorant...they went back and forth for a few minutes & then he deleted it. I guess he didn't want the rest of our family to see it and know that is actually how he & his family are, but everyone all ready knows and are trying to keep the peace until my gma passes.

The whole situation is so stupid and childish and I refuse to go to anymore of my family functions either. I guess our family is not who we choose to surround ourselves with because I have learned that even if you share similar DNA it does not make you family!

That is my venting for today and below is the conversation my mom had with R about being better than others:

R: I'M BETTER THAN TAYLOR
MY MOM: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
R: I'M BETTER THAN TAYLOR
MY MOM: EVERYONE IS THE SAME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT?
R: I HAVE MORE TOYS THAN HER
MY MOM: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT? DO YOU EVEN GO TO TAYLOR'S HOUSE? AND IF YOU DO HAVE MORE TOYS YOU ARE NOT BETTER THAN HER.
R: YES I AM!

So my mom tells Keri's mom this when she got back (my mom was watching R for my aunt) and my aunt says, R you mean you are bigger than Taylor because you are older than her (R is 7 months older than Taylor.) R says, no I have more toys. My aunt, says R has a speech impediment, you must have heard her wrong! She did nothing to address the situation or comment and never even found it notable to inform R's mom.

If my kids did this, I would be furious at my mom for not telling me and even more furious she did nothing, but make excuses for Taylor. You have to hold them accountable at a young age and teach them right from wrong! That is a parents job! Yes you want your kids to excel and be the best, but what good is that if you are not teaching them they are not always the best and having more toys (which she doesn't btw) does not make you better than the next kid? Teach these kids to be humble, accepting, forgiving and the best they can be! People like my cousin and aunt are why the kids of America are how they are and it's disgusting!

If you've made it this far congratulations! This was a very long, ranting post! Thanks for listening and feel free to leave a comment with any advice & if you read the thing on FB let me know if I did step over the line....sometimes it's not easy to see your own faults and I am the first to admit that.

Why can't I find a groove?

2010-05-19T15:48:00.002-04:00

It seems as though blogging has just about fallen off my radar & I have no idea why. I used to love to do it & then I discovered facebook. I have blogged very little since then & it didn't really matter because most of my readers are friends with me there. I have found lately that I miss blogging and I still can't seem to find a groove. I either don't have time, don't have anything to write about or just don't feel like it. I can't even seem to find time to do a wordless wednesday post....hello.....it's only a picture!

I am going to try (in a separate post) to upload a video of Callee that is all ready on facebook, but didn't have any luck yesterday. It is really cute, but shows off the child's attitude.

Here are some things on my mind:

Why does it seem like all parents are in a competition?
Shouldn't we be encouraging one another rather than judging?
Why does everyone feel the need to give their opinion on every.little.thing you do? Sometimes (which REALLY irks me) they just give it to others behind your back & when you confront/ask them about it they look like deer in the headlights.
I am signing Callee up for a hip hop class in the fall (say what you want, but read bullet #2)
Taylor has 11 days left of school! This year has flown by & I'll be thankful for no homework for a couple of months.
Taylor is playing tball again & doing awesome! She is actually stopping balls this year & throwing them where they need to go. Last year she watched them roll right by & hoped the next kid would get it.
Today is my little (24) brothers birthday so happy birthday Josh.
I am usually really excited for my birthday & have a countdown at the beginning of May, but not this year. I am dreading it, it's one year closer to 30 which I am having a really hard time with....again say what you will, but read point 3!
My brother just texted me (literally) 53 more weeks til the big 3-0! I don't like that boy some days!
I am tired....like really tired! I have no interest in anything I used to & have no idea why, but it is driving me crazy!
There are certain people that no matter how hard I try to not let them bother me, just the sound of their name raises my blood pressure 50 points! We do not go to ANYthing for Mike's family anymore because of this and it really stinks! Mike's family (for the most part) are awesome and I really do miss hanging out with all of them, but we can't if some of them will be there & I will not tell someone to not invite them....they don't seem to be too understanding about this though.

I guess that's it for now...I'm hoping that soon I'll be blogging again or reading or getting back into any hobby I used to enjoy!

Hope you all are having a FANTASTIC hump day.

Facebook deactivation & then not so much

2010-05-11T13:54:00.003-04:00

So last week I deactivated my facebook account....for several reasons, none of which I intend to share on here. Let's just say sometimes it feels as though facebook was the greatest thing ever invented and sometimes it feels like the worst thing. I deactivated it on Thursday afternoon with no intention on reactivating it anytime soon.

That night we got a call saying Mike's 13 year old cousin collapsed at school & was life flighted to a hospital with a top rated brain surgeon. I debated on getting back on facebook for any updates (this particular family lives in NY so we only see them about 3 times a year.) I held out & got my updates the (sorta) old way....via text messaging! Friday morning Mike's step mom called and said Delany didn't make it....she had a brain aneurysm and died at the age of 13! She was the youngest of 4 beautiful children and the family is having a very hard time. I logged in on Friday to send my condolences and never deactivated as I had planned.

I didn't have time to deactivate because after I fed my fish & played family feud I got a call from a mom at Taylor's school. She said she needed Taylor's medical history (they were at a field trip on a nature walk or so I thought) so I assumed she got stung by a bee or something. I asked why and the mom says, "No one called you yet?" Ummmm.....NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is going on? Apparently a car ran a red light and hit their bus on the way to their field trip, she needed her medical history for the hospital to run tests. Taylor was sitting in one of the seats that was right above where the lady hit & went under the bus. Taylor was treated for a concussion and whiplash & we were released and told to see her pediatrician on Monday and give her Motrin as needed.

We did that & found out she has a lot of strained & pulled ligaments in her neck. He gave us range of motion exercises to do at home & if she is not 100% by Monday he is sending her to physical therapy. Everyone in my house now has to walk everywhere because apparently we should not be in vehicles! She is doing ok with the exercises, some don't bother her at all and others she can't do at all because they hurt too bad....we are really hoping for a full recovery by Monday & no physical therapy.

So as I am going through all of this and grieving for parents that I hope I am never in their shoes & thinking it could have been me right after that phone call I remember it is Mike's uncles 50th birthday. He had a niece pass away on his birthday & was scared his great niece may do the same....something about bus accident tends to make you freak out!

So then Friday night we have these wicked storms and tornado warnings (none touched down within a mile and a half of our house thank goodness!) Saturday my sister calls me to tell me a friend of ours called her and the father of this friends child was murdered Saturday morning (like 2 a.m.) I found out my 16 year old cousin has an infection & fluid around his heart, all of this was found out after he passed out after walking into the ER waiting room. He is still in the hospital so prayers for a full and speedy recovery would be appreciated. Then another friend calls and says her husbands, best friends son was rushed to a hospital about an hour from here because the babysitter threw him into a ceiling fan.....he is 6 weeks old! What type of sick person does that? I can't imagine anything making you crazy enough to do that & it literally makes me sick to my stomach.

The moral of writing all of this is that I am so glad nothing more happened to Taylor and I am so incredibly grateful for all the blessings in my life. My heart goes out to each of the families mentioned above and I feel like no one should be talking to me....it's like I have a black cloud affecting everyone around me. So, now I have decided not to re-deactivate my facebook account, but I'm really not sure how long that will last. The reasons I deleted it before are still there so we'll see how long I can take it. You all can always find me here!

Bathing Suit time of year

2010-05-05T11:51:00.001-04:00

So, it's almost time to break out the bathing suits. Every one's style varies, some like to leave nothing to the imagination & others want to cover as much as possible. I have been searching for a suit (mine from last year no longer fits) & I heard about a great modest bathing suit company. (Go check them out!)

On S.I.M.P.L.E. they are giving away one bathing suit & if you don't win you can still get 10% off until the end of May. I am going to suggest no one else enter only because I'd really like to win...lol! If you must.....go do it NOW! It looks like a great suit & is very stylish! If I don't win I will be getting my 10% off because it's a suit I just really need to have!

Good luck!

Doctor appointments & frustrations

2010-03-24T15:43:00.002-04:00

Well I went to the doctor yesterday morning for my post op follow up. I had a few questions about the soreness and swelling that I needed to ask.

He informed me he had to take all of my cartilage because as he was trying to fix the damage it was literally cracking and disinegrating (sp?) so the swelling and soreness he expected. He also took the fatty pad right below my knee cap because it was bruised and cracked and I kept getting tendinitis in it. Hmmm, that explains it I suppose. I have to be on crutches until at least Sunday and if the swelling isn't gone then I have to continue using them.

I also wanted to ask why I have not been able to lift my leg to elevate it; I have to literally lift my leg with my arm & it feels really heavy. He had me try to lift it in his office & informed me that it looks like my quadricep tendon is shutting down. This is the main tendon that was severed during the accident and I had to have repaired before. It is the tendon that runs from the front of your thigh, over your knee cap and attaches to your shin to make everything work together....in other words, not the best tendon in your body to have shut down.

I have to go back to him in 3 weeks, start physical therapy next week after the swelling goes down some. I will be doing physical therapy twice a week for four weeks and hopefully that will make my tendon work again. If not, I will have to have a knee replacement this summer because there is nothing left for him to do. If it does help he still thinks I will have a knee replacement within the next 3 years since I am now bone on bone & it will be very painful! Not great news, but I could've had an infection & lost my leg so it's not the worse news either.

I do still have to go for the second opinion this Friday, I just found out about an hour ago! The lawyer for the other insurance company said, "we know she just had surgery, but that really has nothing to do with us so she needs to be there or we will pay for nothing!" It's all a big game to them & I hope they have fun playing it because all they are doing is fueling my fire! I'll go and play their little game, but I will not injure myself further for them, so I really hope I'm not expected to do too much. Oh, and I'll still be on crutches so I'm sure it'll look like I'm just trying to milk it, but at this point I don't care. I did nothing wrong and will not apologize to anyone!

So there's my update and my venting....you all are great listeners! :)

Surgery update

2010-03-22T16:06:00.000-04:00

I thought I'd give you all an update on how the surgery went and my recovery thus far.

The surgery went well....there wasn't as much damage as he anticipated, but definitely had to clean things up. The last time I had this done I felt great....no swelling, used crutches the first day, but not after that and only took one pain pill (the first night, I was worried I wouldn't be able to sleep.) This time there is a lot of swelling, I'm still using crutches and my knee is really weak....likes to give out often. I'm assuming this is because no ones been inside it for almost 3 years and last time I just had a surgery on it 9 months before. I go to the doctor tomorrow morning for my post op check up so I'll know more then.

My knee swells a lot, whether I'm moving around, keeping it elevated and iced or just laying flat. It has swelled so much that my calf, ankles & foot also have swelled. I am hoping this stops soon cuz the sausage toes I have on my left foot are not cute! (and pretty painful too)

There's the update for now, I'll know more tomorrow.

While you're reading could you say a prayer for a family I know. She was the secretary at my high school & her son was a few years younger than me, but went to the same school. She and I got pretty close while I was the office aid my last two years of high school and really is such a sweet woman. Her other son graduated before I got there, but the younger son who just turned 24 on March 8 passed away on Saturday. He was in the hospital a few months ago, but I'm not sure why & his obituary says he passed away after an extended illness. Saturday was his mom's birthday and today is his older brothers birthday. I cannot imagine the pain of burying your child, especially at such a young age, I'm sure the family would appreciate all the prayers they can get. I will be attending his calling hours on Wednesday.

It's a GO

2010-03-19T09:56:00.002-04:00

I am having surgery today at 11:30....

After a lot of run around about my second opinion I have to have my lawyers & I have decided I have the potential of getting screwed either way! If I have it and go for a second opinion & they find nothing it will be a hard fight to prove it, but my doctor is wonderful & willing to do anything to prove it was screwed up & so I had to have the surgery!

If I cancel they could potentially say, "she obviously doesn't need it or she wouldn't have cancelled, we're not paying for it."

I'd rather get screwed over & have relief than to get screwed over & still live with pain daily so I am still having it. I'm relieved to know I am getting it done & whatever happens, happens! I honestly can't wait until this is settled and done...I just want to close this chapter of my life.

Thanks for "being" there & listening!

WW - A diva in training....I may need some help when puberty hits

2010-03-17T07:22:00.001-04:00

Maybe blogging will help

2010-03-16T14:38:00.002-04:00

If you are friends with me on facebook you're probably wondering what is going on....well I'm about to spill it here.

When I was in the car accident 3 years and 8 months ago I tore a tendon in my knee. I had a surgery to repair that, but still had a lot of pain and very limited mobility. After 9 months I had another "exploratory surgery" to see if something was missed. My doctor found a lot of damaged cartilage and smoothed it out. The last surgery was in May of 2007 & I didn't start having problems again until around February of 2009....little issues. By November of 2009 it got a lot worse so I went back to the doctor. I got a cortisone shot & that helped for 4 days.

In February my doctor decided maybe it was time to smooth out the cartilage again. I scheduled the surgery after jumping through hoops for the attorneys and insurance company for March 19....there was relief in sight! I call my lawyer yesterday to let them know about what the hospital said and she said, "You have to have a second opinion. It's scheduled for March 26."

Ok, hold on....one week after my surgery I have to have the insurance companies choice of doctors check me out for a second opinion????? By the way, the doctor they chose is a horrible doctor....I know many people that he has screwed up on so that alone irritates me, but then I have to go a week after surgery? So I asked her if I should not have my surgery because he's going to say there's nothing wrong....well duh, I just paid $6000 to have it fixed, of course you can't find anything, my doctor is good!

So my lawyer is now working on changing the appt to Weds or Thurs, it's now 2:50 on Tues so I am not holding my breath on this one. If they can't get it changed to Weds or Thurs then I have to cancel my surgery, so no relief....because of the doctors schedule & my work schedule I won't be able to have it done until September. That is a harsh reality and punch to the gut, but I am trying to stay positive....these are minor, albeit frustrating, details.

I have to remember that I have a happy, healthy, strong, feisty almost 4 year old who with all things considered probably shouldn't have made it through what she did. So I could be irritated with having a delay of surgery, but also mourning the loss of a child....I don't have to mourn her because she's here, alive, breathing & beating all odds. I have to stay focused on the positives or I'll fall into a depression & then they win....they beat me and beat me and beat me until I quit fighting....I can't and won't give them that power.

Thanks for listening...this was more for me to get it all out and vent then to have anyone read it so if you did...thanks!

A great day

2010-03-09T09:54:00.002-05:00

I took a vacation day yesterday to spend some one on one time with each of my kids. The quality time with each one individually has been lacking quite a bit lately and it's something I definitely needed to do. Kissing your kids on your way out the door in the morning and telling them that you love them, then coming home getting dinner, doing homework & baths & bedtime just doesn't seem to be "quality time."

I spent the morning with Taylor and we had a lot of fun. We went to Dunkin Donuts for breakfast and did one more of her book reports while we were there. Then we headed to the mall and Taylor got her "party dress." It's actually a skirt & shirt, but it's cute. I don't know where this child came from, but she informed me at Target she needed a party dress for her birthday party in a month! Taylor has never been a "girly girl." She wears skirts & dresses, but always changes as soon as we are home from church or she gets home from school. Lately she's been more into girly things & I really think it's just the result of Kindergarten so I'm going with it. The highlight of her "party dress" is she found a shirt that says, "and the butterflies fly away, Party in the USA" which is currently one of her fave songs! After the shopping was done we headed to the aquarium in our mall....she loves this thing. We spent 20 minutes there before I had to drag her out so she wouldn't miss the bus.

After putting Taylor on the bus I picked up Callee. We went to Once Upon A Child where the ultimate "girly girl" got a new skirt and shirt. She also got 3 new headbands. Then we headed to McDonald's for lunch. After lunch we picked Bella up from daycare & Taylor up from school. We headed home, ate dinner and then I finished Taylor's book reports & extra packet that was due today.

We enjoyed our evening together, skyped old friends (pseudo grandparents to my children) and then it was bed time. Overall a great day that we all needed and I'm glad I did it. I am back at work today - Friday. Then I work Monday - Thursday next week because I have my knee surgery on Friday. I probably won't ever want to work 5 days again! I am hoping that this knee surgery will provide as much relief as the last time I had it done almost 3 years ago.

I am hoping to blog more regularly from now on, but will make no promises. Life just seems to get in the way sometimes. I'm sure everyone knows that feeling, but I am going to try harder to make room for it, even if it's only a few set days a week!

I can't believe....

2010-02-23T09:56:00.003-05:00

...it's been so long since I've blogged. We have been really busy with lots and lots of snow, school work and home improvement projects!

Not to mention the regular everyday mundane tasks that are supposed to be kept up with too. In the last couple weeks/months we have painted, redone the bathroom, put in a new furnace, got a new computer and hooked all that up, new computer desk & are soon (hopefully if the weather ever allows us) replacing our front door. Most of these things have needed to be done since we moved in, but with lack of funds it's never been done. Now my dad has the time so I don't have to pay labor costs and thanks to uncle Sam's income tax check we are getting them done.

My dad having the extra time is not the best thing in the world because he only has the extra time because he's laid off. My mom was called back to work 4 weeks ago and then my dad got laid off 2 weeks ago....funny how that worked out. Mike is still looking for a job & will be done with school on March 17. He'll probably go back in July-ish (online) to complete his Bachelor's degree. Taylor is signed up for t-ball again and that will start soon with practices & such.

Here is a sample of my day so you all can understand why I've gone missing.

wake up, work 9 - 5, go home get dinner by 6, Mike leaves for school (since my mom went back to work Mike had to switch to night classes so we don't have to pay daycare costs too.) After dinner it's homework (usually takes 45 mins - an hour), baths, try to spend some type of quality time with my lovely girls, devotions & bedtime. By the time they are in bed I'm beat, but I finish my evening off with cleaning up from dinner, dishes, picking up loose clothing & toys that made their way to my living room, make sure Taylor's book bag is ready for school the next day and shower myself. Needless to say by 10 I either am ready for bed or ready to veg in front of the TV before heading to bed. Mike gets home from school around 10 so I try to stay up & spend time with him, but I don't know how much quality it is considering I'm usually half asleep or my brain isn't forming coherent thoughts at that point, but I try.

Cabin fever has begun to hit my children hard. We went to an indoor bounce house last week to let them burn off their energy, but of course it isn't the same as running in the fresh air. It did help a little because they both are literally bouncing off my freshly painted walls! Oh spring, please make your arrival soon!

Basically in all this rambling I am trying to say that my life is currently filled with the beautiful, crazy, hectic, mundane things that make life, well life! No excuses just wanted to pop in & vent a little about the craziness that surrounds me. I haven't even been reading blogs so I'm off to do that now...I know I've missed a lot in your lives too.

New Years Resolutions

2010-01-05T13:08:00.003-05:00

I am not a big resolution person. I strive to work on things that I feel I am lacking in daily, not once a year only to fall off the wagon after a short while. Plus, I don't need to lose weight & I all ready quit smoking, so those are usually the two big ones! However, this year I am making a resolution and it just happens to be the new year so I guess we could call it a new years resolution if we'd like.

I am putting it out there to hold myself accountable. Some of you may feel I am a terrible person and feel like you've had the wrong idea of me. Some of you may struggle with the same thing and have the same resolution and maybe some of you can learn from my mistakes. Then there are some of you who may finish reading and think, "That was it?" So have I stalled enough for you guys?

Okay, I am extremely hard on myself and more importantly MY KIDS!!!!!!! This year, I refuse to put so much pressure on my 5 year old that she cries cuz she's not "the best." I do not do this intentionally, but I have learned through things she tells my mother that she often feels "less than" and if she isn't #1 she sucks as a person pretty much. Obviously no mother wants to hear her child feels that way so I am resolving to be more of a "go with the flow" mom not the one that is always stressed.

I have decided that I am harder on myself than the next person could ever be so as long as my kids are happy and healthy and decent I will ease up on them and realize they are 3 and 5 not 13 and 15. This does not mean there will be no discipline, this just means there will be more praise for the little things that too often go unnoticed and less harsh punishments for the mole hills that too often get turned into mountains.

I am hoping to provide an update periodically and provide before and after examples, but I'm not ready for that right now, because honestly I'm embarrassed looking back how mean I actually am/was. I'm also hoping to do an update on what the doctor said about Taylor and what her teacher and I have decided to do, but I'm not even sure of what that is at this point!

Now you are free to judge and scorn me all you want, but if you have been or are there now please feel free to let me know I'm not alone also!

Wowza!

2009-12-23T10:41:00.010-05:00

My reader is overflowing....you people have all been busy writing & I have been neither writing or reading apparently!

I wanted to take a minute and wish you all a very Merry Christmas. I hope your holiday is filled with love, joy & happiness. I will be remembering the reason for the season, because what it has become stresses me out! I really do dread this time of year...all the rude people, the pressure to get that one gift, etc....it's for the birds. I got my children gifts, enough, but not overboard. They are happy, have food and a roof over their head and all the gifts they got or didn't get is not going to change that.

I'm off to try to catch up on blogs, but I hope you all have a wonderful holiday....from our family to yours....MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since you've stopped by have a cookie or two:

Taylor's gingerbread girl....complete with a skirt, not pants!Callee's very colorful star....this sums up Callee's personality!Happy Birthday Jesus....a cake cookie, complete with birthday candles...courtesy of TaylorThese are the "flour" children that made these cookies.

Yes it was messy, but memories were made that night, as well as, cookies.

Wow!

2009-12-15T14:02:00.001-05:00

It's been 22 days since I last posted. That is a little crazy.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We sure did, lots of family time and lots of eating! My brother in laws birthday happened to fall on Thanksgiving so the traditional pumpkin pie dessert was replaced with a DQ ice cream cake at my mother in law's house this year! We had a lot of fun & I honestly can't remember the last time I laughed that hard. The girls had a blast dancing, bugging their grandma and playing too.

The situation with Mike's cousin & his whatever has gotten, better, worse then better then worse! I really wish they'd do what they said and leave everyone alone. After we did Thanksgiving early, all hell broke loose. There were feelings that were hurt on every side and then we were all told how embarassing we were & they were glad they can say they made the effort and that they didn't have to deal with us anymore and they could walk away guilt free. In there eyes apparently, but everyone else knew maybe this would be best because apparently we are all rude unless we kiss both of their behinds, which isn't going to happen. This honestly is just way too much drama which is why I've been quiet for so long! I am hoping it goes completely away very soon. If you are friends with me on facebook and have been wondering about weird status' this is the situation it has to do with.

Now, onto the next big thing. I spoke to soon about Taylor and delaying the talk with her pediatrician. Her teacher called last night. She is now not only forgetting to turn things in, but she is not paying any attention in class. Right now it isn't affecting her performance because she's way beyond where she needs to be, but eventually it will. Her teacher said she counted yesterday how many times she had to remind Taylor to focus and pay attention because she knew she was calling me & it was a total of 7 times! In two hours...they only go to 1/2 day kinder in our district! 7 times in two hours is a little worrisome to me. More worrisome is the fact that Taylor was on yellow (the first time all year being off green) last week for hitting another student! What????? I was embarassed, upset and outraged. Something needs to change so she goes to her pediatrician on Dec 22 to see what he thinks. The acting out has to stop now. When asked why she hit, she says she just got frustrated. Apparently we forgot how to use words instead of fists.

So that is what has been going on with us. Work has been busy and Bella's kept me occupied after work. My weekends are spent entertaining Taylor mostly. She doesn't seem to be able to play independently all of the sudden. She goes from one thing to the next to the next in a matter of seconds! When she talks it is 100 mph! I think her brain is moving as quickly as her mouth. Taylor has always had a problem with sleep walking, but it is happening every night now rather than a couple times a week. These are all things I plan on discussing with the doctor too.

If any of you have or do have a child with either ADD or ADHD and have any advice, please leave it here! I don't care whether you are for or against meds, let me know why & what you do that works for you. I do what to say she is not a distraction in class usually so I don't believe she has ADHD, but more ADD. Let me know please!

Taylor's Parent/Teacher Conference

2009-11-23T15:43:00.002-05:00

I don't think I ever wrote on here about Taylor's teacher conferences I had 11/12. I walk in and she says, "this will be fast unless you have concerns. Your daughter is every teachers dream student, she's exceptionally intelligent, never talks out of turn, is really quiet, but I never have a problem having her participate & she's willing to help other students in areas they are behind in, but does it in a compassionate way, not I'm better than you." Well blow me away! I did have one concern though.

I helped in her classroom on Monday (11/9, her conferences were on Thursday) and noticed something. She has a poetry notebook that comes home on Friday, she recites her poem and then we sign the lucky listeners page. It is then supposed to be turned back in on Monday, but ironically enough most weeks it comes home with her Monday night and a lot of times Tuesday night as well. When we ask her about it, it's always, "I forgot."

She also has a sound notebook that she has homework to do in and can be turned in any day of the week. We usually have it completed Wednesday, but sometimes not until Thursday. Too many times on Friday afternoon that happens to have remained in her book bag and not turned in on time. I remind her the night we are done with it and any other nights that it comes home and should have been turned in.

I talked to her teacher about this and she said she does notice that Taylor will appear to be paying attention (looking her direction, etc.), but have a far off look in her eyes like she isn't really there. She said she'd remind Taylor often to turn in her sound notebook & before she leaves school on Monday the teacher will remind her one final time to turn in her poetry notebook. So far, so good.

I guess Taylor getting a new teacher the second week of school was a blessing in disguise. Her "new" teacher was a former intervention specialist so she is used to dealing with kids who have special needs. So we avoid the ADD talk with her pediatrician one more year because her teacher is phenomenal and willing to help us with her. It's just a shame because I've always noticed her short attention span & I'm sure she's bored, but I don't want her to get lost in the shuffle either because one day she's not going to be bored & the child is too intelligent to risk failing a grade because of this.

Today I am extremely thankful for teachers who are willing to go above and beyond to help a kindergartner focus and avoid meds. I've heard horror stories from other parents in this same situation so I definitely know what a rare thing it is for a teacher to offer the extra reminder and push to stay focused.

Just another random post

2009-11-20T11:52:00.005-05:00

It's Friday, it's payday and on Sunday we are doing Thanksgiving early with Mike's family. This should be interesting and a little crazy at the same time. I am working on biting my tongue gently so it doesn't come off in my mouth, but I figure if I make it through Sunday, it should be smooth sailing from there.

Mike's cousin and his girlfriend/fiancee/wife (whatever she actually is besides a thorn in my side) will be there. They weren't going to go, but now they are. I made some comments last night to her and got Mike really mad at me. Even though I've ignored this girl and her ignorant ways for months, Mike doesn't understand why I had to say anything and why I can't ignore her or turn the other cheek. I'm not really sure either, but it's something I've never been able to do, but have been working on it for a while. I have done better by not saying anything for months, but I need to work a little harder at it. So that's my personal project for the next however long it takes.

Things have been going well in our house, just really busy and trying to enjoy every minute of the nice weather that comes and goes around here. It's so weird, it was 30 - 50 in Sept and Oct, but the last 3 weekends in a row it's been mostly sunny and mid 60's. During the week it rains and is chilly, but not really cold. I don't understand it, but every weekend we have been outside doing whatever needs done out there and playing. This has neglected the inside of our house, but we just catch that up during the week. I don't know how much longer this weather will last so I'm doing everything I can to enjoy it while it's here.

Happy Birthday Mike

2009-11-17T10:00:00.002-05:00

Today is Mike's bday. I have to hear for 6 months how I am old (obviously I'm 6 months older than him) so today is the day I go from being old to evened out.

Mike, we have had a lot of ups and downs over the past 7 years. We've made a lot of memories and two beautiful children. One thing I've learned from our relationship is that no matter who you're with you'll have problems, ups and downs, good times and bad. Since I've weathered so much with you, why start over with anyone else. I love you more today than I did 7 years ago and I'm hoping the next 7 years will go a little smoother for us, but if they don't, I'm sure we'll still get through them.

Happy Birthday! I hope you have a great day!

Update

2009-11-11T10:18:00.002-05:00

Aaaahhhhh.....that would be my big sigh of relief.

We have been really busy lately. We are finishing up our yard before the weather completely turns, the inside still has to be done often, we are watching Bella 5 days a week and life is moving at a fast pace.

On a good note, I am done Christmas shopping. Three of the things I ordered are not in yet, but what I have is wrapped too. My goal this year is not to be rushed in any way shape or form and to actually enjoy the holiday season.

Every year something is being done at the last second. I am either still trying to find that perfect gift on Christmas eve, sending out Christmas cards on the 20th & hoping they make it on time or I am up wrapping until 2 a.m. on Christmas eve. Not the case this year. I am waiting on three things so I can wrap them, all others are done, my Christmas cards are ordered, in and addressed. They need stamps and dropped in the mail box only.

And, this is crazy to me, but Mike and the girls put up our Christmas tree this weekend! I have never done it this early and never wanted to do it this early, but when he said he wanted to, I ran with it, so now our tree is up too.

Things around our house are a lot better, but they got a lot worse first, unfortunately. And really unfortunate is the fact that it was my fault! Long story short I am going next month for a blood test to check my hormone levels.

There is the quick synopsis of what is going on in the house of the Stevenses.

WW - Trick or Treat!

2009-11-04T10:10:00.001-05:00

A very busy weekend and hopefully a lesson learned!

2009-10-26T12:00:00.003-04:00

So this weekend wasn't supposed to be busy, but it was a crazy one anyways.

Friday Mike cleaned all day so I could just relax and hang out with my girls. The quality time with them is definitely lacking unfortunately. So Friday night after dinner I took Taylor and Bella to the mall with me. Then Taylor and I took Bella home and we headed to Wal-Mart (I can't stand this store and avoid it at all costs.) It wasn't too bad and when we got home Callee had cuddled up to Mike and fell asleep. We moved her to her bed and got Taylor ready for bed too.

Saturday I took Callee with me to K-Mart and grocery shopping. We ate a little lunch while we were out too and the plan was to watch a movie with the girls when we got home. Well, Callee lost a necklace she got in Disney World and asked me to help her find it. I did except her helping was sitting on the couch and every time she saw me she asked, did you find it yet? When I'd say no and continue looking she'd get mad I hadn't found it....did she help at all? NO!!!!!!

While I was looking for the necklace I noticed they weren't really appreciating or taking care of their toys. I went to talk to them about their responsibilities and losing things and taking care of their stuff. They seemed to care about nothing at this point. I told them I was telling Santa and everyone else no toys for Christmas and they still didn't care. I told them I was throwing out all their current toys and no reaction! Then I told them they couldn't go to the movies with my dad, that started the water works!

After talking to them and Mike, we decided to let them go with my dad and it would be the last for a very long time. We told them when they got back they would have no toys and they didn't seem to care. As soon as they left I got busy sorting and storing and disposing of toys! I kept 3 bins of toys that are sorted into babies, dollies (includes barbies, princesses and Tinkerbell) and Build a Bear dolls and outfits. They have to earn their toys back one bin at a time and on Wednesday if all goes well they can pick one. They are not allowed to know what is in each one, they get what they get. They can pick another one next week and then if they are still being good they can get the last one two weeks from Wednesday.

Here is what they were allowed to keep (I didn't want them having nothing and driving me absolutely insane): they still have their art center (art easel, coloring books, crayons, markers and paint), their puzzles and their books. They have all their CD's and their CD player. We threw away four bags of toys (McDonald's happy meal toys or they were broken or ruined) and we donated five garbage bags of toys to the Family Missions. Hopefully kids who have nothing will benefit from my children's ungratefulness and selfishness. So I told you how much they were allowed to keep and how much was tossed or donated and I wonder why they acted selfish and ungrateful? Because they are spoiled beyond belief. It stops now though, every Christmas and birthday they will help me go through the toys and make room for the new. No more McDonald's and Burger King junk cluttering up everything either.

I'll let you all know eventually if they learned their lessons, but so far they seem to be playing better together and handling it a lot better than I thought they would. Hopefully this will continue; we have had a couple of meltdowns when they realize their favorite toy is no longer right there, but rather packed away until they earn them back. Even then, they are not guaranteed to get their favorite back right away. I am hoping they will take better care of their toys through this and not lose so many or ruin them. Maybe they'll appreciate all they have and if they don't, my next step is ebay because really they do have some cool toys!

Sunday was pictures for all 5 of my parents grandchildren. Quite the adventure, but it's over and they came out cute. We went to Dairy Queen after and I don't know when the last time I laughed that hard was. After we got home Mike and I took the girls for a walk since it was 60 degrees (heat wave around here.) After our walk the girls rode bikes in the driveway and Mike and I dug up the flower beds in the front and side of the house; hoping to get to the back soon. We had some weeds and bushes that decided to plant themselves and some were deep and could have been expensive to fix had we waited much longer (one plant was starting to root into the wall of the basement.) It's done now and I'm glad; hopefully it'll make spring planting a little easier too.

So that was our weekend. I'm glad Mike cleaned Friday so I didn't have to, but apparently I will always find something that needs done!

The bad!

2009-10-22T04:23:00.000-04:00

The bad - there has been some turmoil in Mike's family. Let me give you a little background information first to help you better understand. Mike's family is so not like mine. My family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) is full of petty turmoil and jealousy. Mike's family has never in the 7 years we've been together even had a little spat of any sort. They accept anyone, they don't care if you're rich, poor, beautiful, ugly, etc. What you don't want to do is make them mad because once you're out and you offended someone, you are out for life. They do forgive people, but there are certain lines you can never cross and expect to get back in.

With that out of the way, Mike's cousin dated this girl for a while and was going to propose (bought the ring and all.) A week before he planned on proposing she brought up in a conversation how she wasn't ready to get married and even though they didn't break up at that time things were strained (she didn't know he was going to propose or that he bought a ring.) In this time she gives Mike's sister this sob story of how she's going to lose this and that if she doesn't come up with $600 & Mike's sister being the kind, naive person she is lends it to her. She still hasn't seen the $600 & to say she is a little pissed off is an understatement. 3 weeks after that conversation they had broken up and she got a little psycho. She started dating someone else, but would drive by his house to see if anyone was there. When she found out he was dating someone else she called me and asked if this certain car was the new gf's cuz she was going to key it (it was actually Mike's sisters new car!) She followed him different places and pretty much stalked him for about 6 more months.His new gf got pregnant, the family seemed to like her, but things were always rocky between them. He wanted her to quit smoking and she needed to find a job asap. They bought a house, he helped raise her child and the one they had together and at family things they seemed happy, but he complained about her and she complained how he treated her at home.

One day she decides to move to FL. They sign a joint custody agreement for BOTH the girls and she moves and leaves them here until July. In the meantime Mike's cousin starts dating the psycho again who now has a 10 month old little girl with someone else (Mike's cousin's daughter is now 2 1/2.)The family is in an outrage about it because this girl is literally insane. Nobody wants her around, he's defensive if you ask him one little thing and everyone's fighting. One sister (Mike's cousins mom) won't talk to the other 2 because they feel like they are ganging up on her son. 2 weeks ago this is the same woman who wouldn't talk to her own son because she was upset with his decision. Also the new gf is telling his mom not to talk to his ex who is the mother of her granddaughter! She is a grown woman being told who she can and can't talk to. Needless to say, it's just not a great situation. During all of this B, Mike's cousin, stopped talking to me all together because I was "disrespectful" to his gf. Rude, yes; disrespectful, absolutely not!

So on Sweetest day he proposed to her. For the sake of the family and family gatherings I figured it was time to try to make amends. I don't have to be friends with her and chat on the phone, but I can be cordial and polite to her at family gatherings. I texted him "congrats" on Monday. An hour later Mike's sister calls me and says, get on Mike's fb page and look at B's wall (I'm not friends with him on there anymore because she got on there and deleted me!) I do and she wrote on his wall, "Listen up ladies, fake congrats are not needed or wanted for that matter! You know who you are so just shut up!" I couldn't leave a comment under Mike's name so Mike's sister said she was going to. She simply said, "Ok this is getting ridiculous. The person you are talking about probably will never see this so does it just give you satisfaction to talk behind her back? Are we 5 and have to post stuff on fb or can we just say it directly to them? She was genuine in her congrats, trying to be the bigger person and make amends so until you talk to her don't jump to conclusions." She commented back, "There you go starting stuff and assuming you know who I'm talking about. It's not about her or anyone in B's family for that matter! By the way, did you even congratulate B?"

In the meantime (the next morning) B sends me a text that says, "Thanks for the congrats." I texted back, "Your welcome. Just figured if you were going to marry her it was time to make amends for the sake of family functions. I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable and I don't think it's right to shut one person out of a family and I am definitely not asking Mike to turn his back on his family." He texted back, "I agree 100% thanks for taking the initiative." So a couple hours later I said, "Since we're on the same page again, what she said to Tina (Mike's sister) was rude and uncalled for. If she wants people to like her and give her a second chance, maybe she shouldn't be such a bitch." He said he didn't know what was said, but he'd look and then talk to her. Tina went to respond to her later and the whole post was deleted, not just the comments. If it wasn't about me then why'd she assume that's who Tina was talking about and why'd they take down the whole post, not just the rude comments? Kind of makes me wonder.

My next step after talking to Mike is going to be to write a letter to them with everything I feel and want to say in it. I said in the letter, I welcome civil responses! Hopefully this will be resolved by Thanksgiving, because I can be really mean and vengeful and I will make her as uncomfortable as possible at Thanksgiving if I need to. The moral of all of this is she can say what she wants, but when confronted it's suddenly "not about who you think." Yes it was and you had the courage to say it thinking it wouldn't get back to me and I wouldn't see it, but since you got caught you have to lie and cower. Maybe you shouldn't have said it at all then!

So now that my rant is over, can you tell I'm just a wee bit upset and frustrated by immature, psychotic people? By the way she is 29 and he is 32 so we're not talking about a 19 or 20 year old just being ridiculously stupid!

WW - Pumpkin Carving

2009-10-21T10:33:00.002-04:00

Here are our two pumpkins: Taylor's Cinderella castle pumpkin

Callee's Cinderella pumpkin

No title

2009-10-13T15:59:00.004-04:00

So I have about 318 blog posts rolling around in my head and I have gotten stuck every time I've tried to sit down, write and expand on them. Maybe this is why I decided to take a break. My quality of writing was sucking and I knew it. Things just seemed so matter of fact, here it is, no funny stories, just life. Although I love writing about just life sometimes it's not enough. Sometimes you need to add that extra touch and my posts were lacking.

All of that was not to say this one won't be lacking, but I thought I'd let you all know what's been going on around the Stevens abode.

There have been great days, bad days (we'll write about that next week!), sick days, lazy days and "holy.cow.what.are.we.going.to.do.about.this.situation" days (goes with the bad days.) I'm sure you can all relate to these days, I know it's not just me that has these.

Let's start with the great days. Lots of quality time together. We are back to watching Bella and she is so much more pleasant to watch now that she's crawling. Notice I didn't say easier? Because she is crazy and into everything!!! You never realize how "unbaby" proof your house is until you have a baby in it. We just had a baby 3 years ago, how could this have happened so quick? I'm not sure, but the majority of our houses talk Tues - Thurs is "could you get her? Bella don't do that! Bella don't touch! Bella just sit still!" We love it though and we love that beautiful little girl so we'll deal with it.

Things between Mike and I have been mostly good. We are rarely arguing about anything, making sure we are working together as a team and keeping communication open. He is making the effort to show me he cares and loves me (it really is the little things) and I am still working on the things I know drive him insane (you know stupid little bad habits that are hard to break and sometimes you don't even realize you are doing.) I definitely enjoy my evenings and weekends so much more now. I guess that's kind of bad since I'm stuck at work 8 hours a day.

The sick days have only begun for the year. I wrote about Callee's issue last week and if you didn't read about it you should. She goes back to the doctor on Weds and will hopefully be well enough to get her flu shot. The week before Callee got sick Taylor was sick with the same thing, but it didn't get nearly as bad as Callee's did. Now Taylor is saying her ear hurts, so I guess we'll see if she can get her flu shot on Weds too.

Oh how I love lazy days. Saturday was not one of them, but Monday night was. Dinner was a free for all, Mike gave Callee her bath and after the girls went to bed I got a bath, Mike gave me a massage and I curled up on the couch and fell asleep for a little while. Then I got up and went to bed. Did I mention how much I love lazy days? Well, I do love them very much!

Well, until next time (stories of bad and what do we do) enjoy your week and your families. I plan on enjoying mine, but not so much work! Lol.

Callee's sick Doctor Visit Update

2009-10-09T10:49:00.011-04:00

This was done Tuesday night at 11 pm when I decided to give Callee her first dose of steroids at 6 pm when I picked them up...needless to say it was a bit of a long night for us. I also took lots of pictures or her because really the child is unbelievably photogenic when she's sick...lol. I got my Christmas card picture of her and got Taylor's on Wednesday. They were ordered on Thursday so I'm actually ahead of the game this year! There are some pics below for anyone who is not on facebook or is not my friend on facebook. None of these are the ones I used for the Christmas card, but you can imagine how difficult my choice was since they were all so cute!

She is going to the doctor today to be checked cuz the incessant coughing and stuffy nose, but nothing comes out can't wait till Monday. I'm hoping it's just the tail end of a virus and not anything more. Guess I'll find out this afternoon after Mike takes her. I'll update when I know more.

**Update: Callee is now on steroids for 3 more days and on an inhaler 3 times a day. Whatever virus she has is causing her a whole lot of wheezing which concerned the doctor. If her symptoms haven't improved by Monday we have to take her back and if they are not gone in two weeks she needs something different. I'm just glad it's not pneumonia! Lots of cuddles on the couch are in store for the weekend, if the inhaler and steroids aren't causing her to bounce off the walls!**

Just for good measure, here are a few of Taylor:

I know what I said

2009-10-02T11:25:00.003-04:00

I know in the last post I said I should post more often, but I don't know if it's the weather, facebooking, laziness or a combination, but I just don't have the writing in me right now. I love to blog and it's a great outlet and a wonderful way to document things I may otherwise forget, but right now I am taking a hiatus. I may come back sooner than I anticipate or it may be a while. I don't know, but sometimes life happens and you just aren't "feeling" it. That's what's going on now. It is fall and of course my kids are sick all ready. I am waiting for the doctor's office to get their supply of flu shots so my kids can get theirs.

With Taylor in school and all the homework, I'm beat by the time I think to blog. At work, I'm busy or being lazy and don't feel like doing it. I do read other blogs daily or every few days and I will continue to do that. Just check back for future posts or add me to your reader. Maybe when I come back I'll have better things to write about, but right now I feel boring and mundane. Tired and lazy sums it up too.

However, Mike and I are going to the Rock and Roll hall of fame this weekend, so maybe I'll write about that, if I'm not to lazy to do it!

See you all on your blogs and hopefully I'll snap out of this sooner rather than later. And before you ask, no I'm not depressed, really I'm just feeling tired, run down and lazy.

And I start up watching Bella on Tuesday again, not good timing for the tiredness.

I really should post more often

2009-09-29T10:51:00.002-04:00

so that my posts don't have 15,000 different subjects in one.

Anyways, this past weekend it rained all weekend long. That was fine with me because this time of year especially when it is nice out I fit as much as possible into my weekends because i know there won't be too many more. I needed a weekend to do nothing and relax. I did clean, do laundry, go to church and go grocery shopping, but I also read, read, read!

Taylor's first day with her new teacher was yesterday and she said she likes her. She also said she was 16, which I highly doubt! I am assuming she's pretty young though. I guess time will tell. Last night was another night filled with homework. I am so glad Taylor went to school first because honestly I dread doing this stuff with Callee. Taylor wants to learn as often and as much as she can. Callee wants nothing to do with it, she'll learn hands on, but don't try to sit her down and teach her, ain't happenin! So in two or three years (since Callee's bday is in July I'm not sure if I'll send her when she is 5 or 6) I'll be pulling my hair out unless preschool changes her that much.

Mike and I talked a lot on Friday night and figured some stuff out. I really don't know why it's so hard to ask someone if they mean something the way you took it instead of getting mad and the bantering and hurt feelings keep going back and forth until someone says ENOUGH!!!

Onto sadder things...I really think the world has lost it's mind. I am regretting having kids in this day and age. I love my kids, but the condition of the world right now is sad and scary. Four people between the ages of 23 and 33 in the last week in a 10 mile radius have committed suicide, all of them leaving behind one or more children. I know times are tough and the fight sometimes doesn't feel like it's worth being fought, but my heart goes out to their families and especially their children! Suicide is never a good alternative and there really needs to be more awareness and prevention programs or something. These children now have to grow up with one less parent and deal with adult issues they shouldn't be. Especially when the child is 6 - 8, they have questions that demand and deserve answers. I read a blog that her husband committed suicide and I cry with most of her posts. I don't know how the loved ones keep going, but they should be told often that they are amazing.

So there is my two cents on the world going mad. Hope you all have a good week!

Update

2009-09-25T11:21:00.003-04:00

Things had been going great for a while and sadly in the back of my mind I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. It did and I'm not going to get into it, but I will say, I don't know what happened, but I obviously do nothing right.

Taylor is doing great in Kindergarten. We had a little issue the second week of school and I personally think what they are expecting from these kids is ridiculous. I am so glad that we have worked with Taylor so much and she catches on fast, however I do feel bad for other kids. I'm pretty sure a lot of them will fail or be behind in first grade and it just seems unfair to start your school career like this (left behind.)

We live in a school district that is rated extremely high, but neighboring schools are learning letter recognition and the sounds right now. Our kids are expected to all ready recognize all lowercase and capital letters and know the sounds. Taylor is sounding out words and writing them and has 3 - 5 sight words a week that she has a spelling test over....this is KINDERGARTEN!!! We were told they will be reading by Christmas and I totally believe it by the work load and expectations. I just feel so bad for some of these kids who can't even write their own name. Just as an FYI, our district is still only 1/2 day kindergarten too!

Callee is doing great in preschool. She loves it and her teacher has told me how loving, caring and wonderful she is. She's made a lot of friends and gets mad that she only goes 2 days a week. I'm glad she loves it and is learning because now that I know what Kindergarten in our district is like, she needs the 2 or 3 years of preschool. She wouldn't survive in this district without it really.

Back to Taylor's kindergarten and why I think our district is completely wrong and why I'm considering e-mailing the superintendent. First I need to explain how our district is set up. We are rather large and so we have 2 K - 2 buildings and 2 3 - 5 buildings. Everyone combines in Middle School so it's reintegrating all over again.

Okay, so Taylor brought home a letter last Thursday saying her teacher accepted a 1st grade position at the other k - 2 building and they only posted the job internally and we should know by Tuesday who her new teacher would be. To say I was upset was an understatement. It is the 5th week of school with kids who some of them have never been away from their parents and she's leaving and these kids have to get used to another teacher with another set of rules? Then, on top of that, the job was only posted internally so someone elses kids will be displaced when their teacher leaves? Then what? The cycle continues until everyone moves where they want and they post the job so outsiders and subs get a chance for a full time position?

I can't blame her teacher because she was promised this job at the end of last year and then the teacher decided not to retire. Now that there are "potential cuts to the teachers retirement account" she decides in the 4th week of school she is going to retire? So they offer it again to Taylor's teacher and she accepts again. Why would the school board let this woman decide to retire now and not have her finish out the year? I don't understand this and then to only post these other openings internally?

So we got a letter on Wednesday stating Taylor's teacher is Mrs. xxxxxx and she was a 4th grade intervention teacher in our district. Intervention teachers in our district are the ones who have the kids with severe learning disabilities, Autism, bipolar disorder, etc and you just took their teacher away????? Does this sound right to anyone thinking logically? It doesn't to me and now that teachers position is only posted internally so another class will be displaced. When will this end and when will the school board stand up for our kids and say, "enough is enough?"

I am still irate about the situation and Taylor's teachers last day is today. She gets her new teacher on Monday and I am really hoping for no issues with new rules, etc because that is not fair expectations, in my opinion, of a bunch of 5 or 6 year olds. So tell me your opinion on this or really anything I've written about in this post. I'm really interested to see if I'm in the minority here.

WW - Pear Eater

2009-09-23T09:13:00.001-04:00

If you need a slap in the face ask a 5 year old....

2009-09-17T01:15:00.003-04:00

Okay, maybe not literally, but they are brutally honest and sometimes that feels like a slap in the face. When you didn't ask for it, it seems to hit a little harder and knock the wind out of you.

That is exactly what happened in our house on Saturday night. My "oh so very brutally honest" 5 year old was talking with her dad about hapiness and smiling while I was doing the dishes. I heard her say, "Mommy must not be too happy because she never smiles! Mom, why don't you ever smile? You don't like it here?"

The truth is that I have been told I don't smile enough by a lot of people in my life over the years, but I have never been affected by it like I was when Taylor said it. I have said on here numerous times over the past few weeks that I do love my life. It's not that I didn't before it just seemed like I was always in a frame of mind of doubt and confusion. I was never unhappy, but to be in that frame of mind all the time definitely causes some inner turmoil. I still loved my kids and my husband, my job pays good and I didn't have to worry every day whether they were making cuts or not.

So like I said, I've been told this very same thing my whole life, but when your child tells you, it takes on a whole new meaning. I have been trying to make sure to smile more often; not fake smiles, genuine ones that reflect the smile that is in my heart. I am hoping I accomplish this so I don't have to be asked again if I don't like it here by one of my children. I never want to make them feel like that and never did it on purpose, obviously.

The truth is I don't like my smile, I think it is funny looking and it bothers me. What I need to do is embrace it and love it so I don't make my children grow up wondering if their mother really wants to be there or not. That is so not a good feeling!

Our weekend....

2009-09-14T09:39:00.002-04:00

consisted of....

Friday night high school football game.....sans kids. We won 58 - 0 so it was actually pretty sad.
Saturday lots of cleaning and visiting. I had to tell myself to quit because I just kept finding one more thing to clean or wipe down.
Saturday night I had 5 kids at my house. Ages 6 months (well almost), 3, 5, 7 and 9. It was a little crazy, but I was glad to have had a break Friday night.
Sunday, church was sad. Our Pastor is retiring and it was his last Sunday. There were a lot of tears and hugs and oh so sad.
Sunday afternoon.....NAP! My kids stayed with Mike's aunt for a couple hours after church and I went home and took a nap. I wasn't bothered at all during my nap because Mike was at the Browns game so I had the house to myself! It was wonderful although I am still really tired on this Monday morning!

How was your weekend?

Sept 11 & an update

2009-09-11T10:25:00.003-04:00

It's the anniversary of the biggest national crisis known in my lifetime. I remember it like it was yesterday and it will be one of those things like when JFK was shot; I'll always remember where I was, how I felt and what I did. Today is a cloudy, chilly day; the perfect day for a somber atmosphere in my opinion. My heart goes out to all the families who lost someone that day or waited by the phone hoping and praying their loved one was okay. Whether they were okay or not everyone of them was feeling the same panic and anxiety until they heard for sure.

Onto my update. So I posted on Tuesday about trust and control. I wanted to let you all know that things couldn't be better. Hindsight is always 20/20, but I really wish I would've gotten to this point years ago. The tension in the air is gone, I am actually enjoying my time at home all the time, not just some. I am much more relaxed and less stressed out (except when it comes to Taylor's homework, but that's another issue.) I still have peace and feel so free from the chains that once bound me.

I am reading the book "The Shack," anyone read it? It's great and what a time to read it. If you remember I had my slap in the face on Thursday night and I had this book for over a week wanting to start it and still hadn't found the time to even start it. Saturday night I started it and even though I have 4 more chapters to read let me tell you that it's what I was meant to read right now. I won't give it all away, but I do want to say whether you are a strong believer, just starting out or struggling with how you feel and what you think about God, you should definitely read this book. I am hoping when I'm done Mike will read it too. It touches on relationships; relationships with God, Jesus, marriages, your children and friends! I need to stop talking about it so I don't ruin it for anyone that wants to read it, but if you've read it e-mail me. I'd love to discuss this one part of it and see if I'm alone in my thinking or how you feel.

I am going to enjoy my weekend and relax with Mike and my girls. Just wanted to update you all and tell you about a wonderful book I think everyone should take the time to read. Hope you all enjoy yours too.

WW - Fair Fun

2009-09-09T10:49:00.000-04:00

They had to stop this ride a minute after it started because Callee was freaking out...such a baby! Lol.

Trusting and relinquishing control aren't the easiest things

2009-09-08T09:30:00.000-04:00

Sometimes trust isn't easy in the beginning, middle or end. When it's broken it's even harder. Sometimes though, you get a slap in the face and realize you need to trust, realize you can't control some things and do your best. The last sentence is where I am at. Thursday night I got a huge slap in the face that I'm not going into detail about, but let me say it's what I needed.

I have come to the realization that even though someone breaks your trust once, it doesn't necessarily mean they'll do it again. When they are trying everything in their power to show you this, sometimes you have to give the benefit of the doubt and let your fears and worries go; sometimes (okay most times) that is the hardest part.

I have decided that their is nothing I can do or say to stop some people from hurting or not hurting me (unless it's physical, which it is not.) I can decide to trust and give the relationship or friendship my all or I can continue to have a wall and be reserved, which eventually will probably ruin the relationship or friendship over time anyways.

Do I want to look back and realize if I would have just let go and trusted and loved I could've been happy or do I want to try now and be happy, knowing God has a plan and will hold me in his hands no matter the outcome if I let him? I choose to tear down my wall, give the benefit of the doubt and know that my God would never fail me in any situation, even though sometimes it seems so unfair and hurts so bad.

I have always believed everything happens for a reason and that God does not "punish" his children. Sometimes it's hard to see the good or the lesson right away, but there is always some good or lesson or need for every situation. I will tell myself this daily and when doubts, worry or anxiety creep in, I will talk to my God and let him help me. I can't do things on my own, it is he who strengthens me and if I truly believe that (which I do) I need to lean on him more and trust him with everything, not just what's easy for me to trust him with.

So, from this point forward, he has everything in my life, that which I can't control, that which I want to control and that which I *think* I can control. It is a very freeing feeling and the anxiety attacks haven't happened since Thursday at all. I slept better Thursday night than I have in the past month. I can't control the outcome of my life, my friendships or my relationships, however I can trust that my God will love me, carry me, protect me, teach me and mold me and that's what I plan to do.

Thanks for listening for so long.

My long weekend and some good news

2009-09-04T13:12:00.005-04:00

I am working on a post about trust, control and letting go so hopefully it'll be ready on Tuesday. For now, I am looking forward to my long weekend and hoping to get in some fun, quality time and relaxation.

Today, my niece Bella (5 1/2 months old) and my nephew CJ (9) both went to specialists for different reasons. Both of them got pretty good news at their visits.

Bella has a large birth mark on her head that is really red and swollen. It has only gotten bigger so her pediatrician sent her to a specialist in Cleveland to see if it needed removed. Thankfully it does not right now. She goes back in a year and the doctor doesn't think anything will change by then, but wants to monitor it just to be sure. If things do, surgery to remove it may be in order, but right now we are glad it's not necessary.

My nephew kept complaining his chest hurt. My sister figured he pulled a muscle and it would quit soon enough. Then he started saying he thought he was having a heart attack and he would get really short of breath. It had been a week since the pulled muscle and it wasn't getting any better. My sister took him to the doctor and he said he also thought CJ just pulled a muscle, but that he has a heart murmur and was probably ok. He ordered an EKG just to be sure, but told my sister it was probably nothing to worry about. Both my mom and I have heart murmurs and have for years so we all thought it was just something hereditary.

When they got the results back he told my sister that he didn't think there was *too* much to worry about, but wanted him to see a cardiologist just to make sure. He went this morning and found out his aortic valve is pumping the blood into his lungs at a hard and rapid pace which is causing the chest pains and shortness of breath. It also caused the heart murmur, the heart murmur did not cause the heart condition.

He has to wear a heart monitor for 24 hours to monitor how hard and fast his heart is pumping the blood to see what course of action is the best one for him. He can do normal 9 year old boy activities, but needs to have an EKG done once a year to monitor how strong his valve continues to be. It will weaken over time and the chances of him having to have it replaced is very great. He just needs to be monitored closely, but will live now that it is detected and hopefully will be on the right meds soon.

So even though none of you knew about the issues, I thought I'd share the good outcomes of it with all of you. Below is a picture of CJ kissing Bella and you can see her birth mark in it. I am really glad they are both okay and neither needs surgery right away.

WW - The love of my life

2009-09-02T09:50:00.000-04:00

He is such a sweet boy! He was doing this in front of his friends at his birthday party because, "who cares if they know I love my aunt? Froget them if they make fun of me!" This kid is definitely one of a kind.

Crazy weekend...again

2009-09-01T13:17:00.016-04:00

So this weekend was another crazy, busy weekend.

Friday, I went to dinner with Mike while my sister watched the girls. Then after we went home and the girls were in bed, I met up with my friend Jenn after our terrible weeks. It was great to spend time with her, we don't do it nearly enough, and I met up with an old friend of mine. That's a story for another day, let me just say it's a very small world!

Saturday the girls and I had plans to visit the zoo. Mike had his fantasy football draft that afternoon and was afraid we wouldn't make it back in time for that (we did and I tried to tell him we would, but he missed out.) It was raining so we went to the science center instead. It was a blast and we met Ashley and the two girls she used to babysit for at the center. The girls had a blast and wore themselves out and then we had a long drive home. After we got home we waited until Mike was leaving and then we went to get gas, cleaned out my car, stopped at Mike's dad and stepmom's to drop off fabric since she was making curtains for the girls' rooms, got dinner and drove through the car wash on the way home. I was exhausted and ready for some relaxation and reading, but Callee had other plans after ingesting way too much sugar.

Here are some pics from the science center:

CJ at his party!

More pics below.Sunday we went to church and then Callee laid down for a nap while I got distilled water for Taylor to do her sea monkey's and purchased a birthday gift for my nephew. When I got home and Taylor finished setting up her sea monkey's, I woke Callee up and we headed to the skating rink for CJ's party. We had a blast and were all exhausted by bedtime again. We stopped on the way home to pick up the curtains and then I went grocery shopping. After I got home we ate a snack, got the girls ready for bed and then headed there myself.

Work has been non stop for 2 days and it feels like it should be Thursday. I will be glad to have a 3 day weekend to enjoy, that's for sure.

Happy Birthday MJ!!!

2009-08-29T12:01:00.000-04:00

Today he would have been 51, so I am putting another video up, just like I said I would. This is definitely another of my favorites.

Now scroll down to the next post for the tribute to my beautiful nephew on his birthday yesterday!

9 years ago today...

2009-08-28T10:26:00.003-04:00

...you were born and I remember it like it was yesterday. You were the one to make me an aunt and what a joy you were and still are. I was coming home from my first day of my sophomore year of college and grandma told me to eat quickly because your mom had been at the hospital since 9 a.m. in labor with you. I couldn't wait to get there and be with her and finally meet you. I was so excited to be getting a nephew.

You have been my buddy and my friend, my nephew and an all around wonderful kid. You are the most caring, good hearted child I know and am so proud of the little man you have become. You are goofy and smart. You have made me laugh so hard liquid came out my nose. You love your sister and every one of your little cousins (although you were praying for a boy every time and still haven't gotten it.) You are every one of the girls' big brother and you protect them, help them and care about them so much and it makes my heart smile every time I see you doing one of those things.

You are nine today and still full of hugs, smiles and "I love yous" because, unlike other kids your age, you know you are cool and can still show affection. I hope you have the best birthday ever little man, you deserve it. We have a bond that is indescribable and unbreakable and I hope you know it too. I love you CJ and wish only the best for you in the next year and throughout your entire life. You are one of a kind kiddo!

Throwback Thursday

2009-08-27T09:17:00.003-04:00

I wanted to share this picture because it brings a smile to my face. This is "Peaches" and his first grandson (my cousin) Jason. I believe it was taken in 1980 - 1982 sometime, but not 100% sure on that. Jason died tragically in 1992 when he was crossing a street and got hit by a car. He and I were very close and it was devastating for me. The wedding I was in back in June for my cousin Drew; Jason, Drew and I were attached at the hip. Drew and I made it through Jason's death with each other and that only made our bond tighter. To this day I'm not sure what I would've done without Drew all those years ago.

So now, forget the sad story and just focus on the smiles they both have. It warms my heart and brings a smile to my face.

Tears on Tuesday EDITTED

2009-08-25T13:46:00.008-04:00

I couldn't help the title. Taylor's first day of Kindergarten was today and neither of us cried, that the other one saw. I hope she does okay and isn't too scared. My stomach will be in knots until I get a call from her when she gets home.

I just wanted to share some of the pictures we took. I know time is going to really fly now so I plan on taking even more pictures than I did before.

She loves her sister and wasn't sure she wanted to leave her. Callee will start preschool on Sept. 8.Almost ready, she's getting there.Okay, enough waiting and picture taking, where is that stinking bus?She looks way too small to be getting on that big ole bus!

If you look to the right of the emergency exit window you may see my baby's head trying to see us and wave good bye.

5 1/2 years have gone way too fast. I don't know what I'll do when she goes all day next year. I can't wait to see what this year holds for her and can't wait to watch her learn more, mature and really become her own person even more. I'm sure all of this will lead to more head butting between us, but what an awesome experience it will be. I don't know if I'm ready for all of this so please bear with the tearful posts that I am sure will come from this huge step in our lives.

Others have gone before us and made it, that's what I have to keep telling myself.

***EDITTED***

Taylor just called and had a blast her first day. She got a green light and was proud of it. She liked her teacher and the other kids. The greatest conversation to have with a painfully shy child, Tay: "Mom, do you know how many kids I met that want to be MY friend?" Me: "How many?" Tay: "5!!!! That's a lot mom!"

All in all it seems to have been a good day. She is excited to go back tomorrow. I hope this excitement keeps up throughout not only this year, but until she graduates (I know wishful thinking.) I feel a lot better now and am so excited that she met friends her first day. Like I said before she is painfully shy around new kids and it breaks my heart to watch. She is also an overachiever and if she hadn't met anyone today the conversation would've been much different. Something along the lines of, "Noone wants to be my friend, I'm not going back!" Glad that wasn't the reaction I got.

Just because....

2009-08-24T09:44:00.010-04:00

....we didn't do too much this weekend and truthfully I don't feel like writing. So here are some pictures I had developed this weekend that Taylor took at Callee's birthday party last month.This picture made me see how much they do look like me. I hear it all the time, but never see it.Callee and Kayla, a cousin of there's.Uncle Justin cooking for us...he's an awesome cook.Bad picture of me, but here you have it.

These pics are from CJ's game the morning before the party:

Casia, Callee and AshleyCasia, Callee and TaylorCallee, Ashley and Taylor.

Hope you all enjoyed them. Wait until later in the week. We had 2 cameras from years ago that we got developed too. Those pictures are priceless.

WW - My hair

2009-08-19T09:57:00.000-04:00

So I keep saying I don't know if I like my hair or not, but in this picture I do. Don't mind the bra, the tank is a little loose, but all my clothes are! It's a pretty cute picture of Callee too....lol.

Our weekend

2009-08-17T10:26:00.002-04:00

Our weekend was exhausting. So much that I woke up late this morning and got to work 15 minutes late! Oops. I said on my facebook status that I was going to relax this weekend even if it killed me, but I should've said, I'm going to spend time with my kids, relaxation can wait!

So spend time I did.

Friday night after I got home Taylor and I went and finished her school clothes shopping and talked for a few hours. We stopped off to get dinner, just her and I and the time we spent together was very much needed. I wanted to "reconnect" with her before she starts school in a week and I'm glad just her and I got to go. Mike and Callee had a great time at home together too from what I'm told so it was nice all the way around.
After we got back from shopping I took Taylor out to the campgrounds where my dad was so she could have one last fun camping trip before school. She wasn't supposed to be allowed to go because she was grounded, but after our evening together and our talk it helped me to see where she was coming from. There was no malicious intent and the way she rationalized her actions made sense to a 5 year old so we discussed everything in great detail and I felt comfortable with the understanding she came away with. After discussing it with Mike we decided to let her go.
Saturday morning I took Callee to wagon trails. After seeing everything I told Mike we had to go back and take Taylor because this is right up her alley. It was a very cool experience, one I won't soon forget. Callee and I double dated with Ashley and Susan. Susan is my cousin's ex-wife (long story, but they were married 13 years and I see no reason to "hate" her because they aren't together, it was his fault) and Ashley is their daughter who is 13 days older than Callee. They had such a good time together and their stories they were sharing in the back seat were priceless. (Pictures below)
After wagon trails we went out to the campground for Callee to swim and play for the day and I had to get Taylor and take her to have her hair cut. The poor child was LOOOONNNNGGG overdue and when I was talking to Julie (the hair cutter) and trying to figure out when she had an actual "hair cut" last, we decided that beyond cutting the back with the clippers, but not taking any off the length, she hadn't had a good hair cut since March, right before we went to Florida! Needless to say she looks like a whole new child, a beautiful one at that!
Sunday I went to church then went home to get everyone ready for Mike's family reunion. We got there a little late, but I really didn't care. The kids had a great time (pictures below), but it was another hot day. There was a water balloon game, which turned into "fill up the balloons repeatedly and get as many people as possible wet." When we left I went grocery shopping then home to work. After that we did baths, more work, I got to start reading the next book (did I mention I finally got to finish the one book I've been working on forever on Saturday night?) in my line up, then showered and bed.

I woke up late and was late for work this morning. That wasn't fun, but oh well, it was only 15 minutes and I'll now be staying over 15 minutes this evening. This week is a slightly crazy one, but not too bad so hopefully I'll have more blogging time in!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

So much

2009-08-13T09:26:00.002-04:00

There is so much I want to write about and just not enough time to do it all. With work still being crazy and I am reading a really good book that I can't put down till close to 1 am, there seems to be little time to blog. I miss it, the writing, the clearing of my mind, the venting and the friendship. I am hoping to get back into it regularly soon, but this is my short little post for now.

Maybe sometime in the near future I'll put up pics of my new hair cut, but right now I'm still undecided on whether I like it or not!

Just one day of our weekend

2009-08-10T10:58:00.002-04:00

So I have said before on here how we have not had any summer weather. It's barely reached 80 and only a couple days this summer have been that. It's mostly 70 - 75 and in the evenings it's going down to 60. Great sleeping weather, but we haven't been able to swim hardly at all or anything else.

Well, we got our summer weather yesterday. It was 94 and the humidity was a little crazy! Did I mention we went to the air base for the air show on Sunday? Yea, we were ourside in the crazy heat and humidity on the hottest day of the year by far. Who would have thought it would be like that when we have had such a cool summer? The weirdest thing is that Mike and I went to the Italian fest on Friday night (around 7:30 pm) and I wore jeans and a sweatshirt because the temps had dropped to 65 by that time. It is still really hot today and isn't supposed to be below 85 all week with little chance of rain. I guess we are finally getting our summer, but I would have loved if it had waited one more day.

We left the air show early when they had set up sprinklers for the kids. We took ours and they were soaked to the bone. By the time we made it back to our seats they were almost completely dry and our seats weren't that far from the sprinklers.

Considering it was so hot and miserable, Callee was up late on Saturday night and everyone was tired of walking, my kids did an awesome job. Here are a few of the pictures, most were taken in the morning when it was only about 82 and overcast, but by the time the show started the sun came up the humidity was high and so was the tension. Some of the pictures aren't very good because of condensation on the lens, but enjoy anyways.

I feel for all of you in Texas and Arizona....we wanted to die! And it was only one day of it.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Surprise, Surprise

2009-08-07T13:19:00.002-04:00

Sometimes life sends you little surprises that can change your entire attitude. I'm sure that all who are my friend on facebook saw my status when I messed up my huge project and didn't save. Well, I only lost 40 of the 178 I'd done so it could've been a lot worse, but I had been killing myself to get it done. Part was because of a deadline, but the other part was because there was a cash bonus involved that we needed badly. Not to pay bills, but to get new tires on my car and I needed new brakes, but was hoping they'd last a little longer.

So yesterday I got it done and asked my boss to leave my bonus before he went out of town (Saturday - Thursday) so that I could get my new tires this weekend before one blew out. This morning my boss stops in and tells me he ran out of gas and asked to use my car for 2 minutes to fill up his gas can. I gave him the keys and he still wasn't back 40 minutes later. I was getting a little worried and called him to make sure everything was okay and he tells me this long story about how it wasn't out of gas so they had to tow it, but he'd be bringing my car back in about 10 minutes. He came back and gave me my keys and my bonus check (YAY!!!!)

I go to lunch and there is a statement with a note, "Courtney, these are guaranteed for 50,000 miles and they will rotate them for free with this receipt every 5,000 miles. You should do this so they last longer. Thanks for all your hard work and I hope you and Mike can do something fun with the money now."

Well, blow me away...my boss does have a heart and a really big one at that. I haven't been able to blog lately because of the work load and the posts I have done, I really didn't have time to do them. I have been taking work home at night and on the weekends and not getting paid just to meet this deadline. It all seems worth it now and it was so nice to realize my hard work and effort weren't going unnoticed. I appreciated it more than he'll ever know.

I just wanted to share my good news with you all...things should slow down enough that I have time to post. I will be doing a lot of naps this weekend so I probably won't post until Monday so I hope you all have a good weekend.

Weekend top 5

2009-08-03T10:38:00.008-04:00

This weekend was another busy one, but in a "it's great weather, let's do everything we can and quick" type of way.

Friday was our last night of Bible School and a blast. I'll post pics soon - I need to edit them.
Saturday got off to a rough start. Attitudes and whining were high and I wanted to do something with the girls since it seems like I don't spend nearly enough time with them, but the attitudes needed adjusted and the whining needed to stop. Naps were not going to happen because my lovely children refused. I took Callee grocery shopping with me for some one on one time.
When we got home I decided to reward their bad behavior (okay, not really, but I still took them somewhere and it felt like rewarding bad behavior.) We went to one park close to our house and it has really gone down hill. I was upset and we went to my mom's to play on their swing set until Mike was done cutting the grass and we could make it to a nicer park a little further away. We had a great time and they added new equipment since we'd been there last. Then we rewarded bad behavior more by taking them to get ice cream! A delicious way to end a fun day, btw once we were out and about the fighting, attitudes and whining seemed to disappear.
Sunday at church we had our closing program for Bible School. It was fun and afterwards we had a picnic lunch. Taylor and I left the picnic lunch to go school clothes shopping, did I mention my baby goes to kindergarten in 22 days? YIKES! Here's a video from the VBS program on Sunday.

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

5. Sunday night my sister, a friend and I went to see the 99. If you haven't heard of it go to the website (http://www.whatisthe99.com/) it's not letting me link to it! If it's coming near you, it's totally worth it. GO!

This week will be my last crazy one (at work) for a while I am hoping and another fun filled weekend next weekend. I can't believe summer is almost over, we hardly had one at all around here.

Good Grief

2009-07-30T10:29:00.002-04:00

Yes, things have not been going well on the health front in our home. It is nothing I am overly concerned with and really am not worried. The issues with me have been going on since January and I have chosen to ignore them rather than going to the doctor about it. I finally got tired of hearing my mom and my boss comment on my weight loss and need to see a doctor and I finally went. I didn't have the money to go and definitely didn't have the money for the test I had to have done, but it's done and now we'll be drowning in debt. I should be getting a bonus at work soon that was supposed to go to new tires for my car (that are desperately needed), but instead will go to the doctor bills and hopefully, magically I will get new tires by winter. If not, I'll need a lot of prayer driving in the snow. The bonus won't cover the total bill so I also added on a new monthly payment to an all ready stretched budget. We will get through this, that's what I have to keep telling myself.

I am not meaning to complain and whine here. I am extremely grateful for people who are worried about me and bring things I don't always see to my attention, but honestly I'd be even more grateful for them to pay for the procedure...lol. I am also grateful I have health insurance even though the premiums are high and it's sucking more money away from our income, we have it and too many don't. I am grateful to have life, to breathe every day, spend time with my kids, help to mold and shape them and to have a job to go to every day. This job, although not always ideal and wonderful, isn't the worst one to have and provides the income our family needs while Mike is out of work. I am grateful for my job stability. It is only myself and another girl (who is only part time) so unless our business closes I know I will have a job. This does have a downside which is I am responsible for a lot and am depended upon a lot, whether I am sick or not, the job isn't going to wait.

Although things are not always ideal in my life (whose life is always ideal and perfect?) I always seem to find a way to get a bill paid, have food on the table and clean clothes to wear to work. My kids are happy and healthy (for the most part) and my marriage gets stronger by the day. I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am about the last part. I don't know if I could be doing and going through all of this if our marriage was still where it was 2 months ago. I know there is only one reason that my marriage is on the mend, things aren't as bad as they could be and there always seems to be a way to make that last dollar stretch...my God. He is amazing and has definitely been carrying me the last couple weeks; I have not had to walk and it's a good thing because I am weary. So, thank you to all who read and comment or e-mail me. It is a welcomed pick me up and when I started blogging 2 years ago I had no idea why, but I did it anyway. Now I know...the great friendships, the encouraging word right when you need it and the venting. My how the venting has helped. Thank you all for listening. There will be happier posts soon, once the big project at work is finished and I have time to sit and type it all out.

On a side note, Taylor took it upon herself Tuesday to cut Callee's hair for me...aye, aye, aye! I'll have to post a picture soon. It's not as bad as it could've been, but Taylor was still in trouble and needs to learn when and how to use scissors and on her sisters hair is unacceptable! I hope you all have a good Thursday and a great weekend if I don't get to blog again before then.

An update

2009-07-28T09:47:00.002-04:00

I wanted to give you all a quick update without getting into too much detail and invading my little girls privacy. Basically, she is doing a lot better than she was the other night. The ER doctors weren't completely right, but not completely wrong either. She is going to see a urologist, but not for 5 weeks for a couple of different reasons; all of which I agree with the doctor for. Thank you for all the prayers she is definitely doing much better and is much more comfortable.

This week we have bible school at church right after work so it's a crazy one. Tomorrow I have to go have a scope done. I have been having some issues lately and was afraid to go to the doctor because I was convinced I had colon cancer. I finally went yesterday because I was tired of hearing my mom harp at me. Well, the doctor doesn't think it's cancer, but I do have to have a scope placed down my throat and from there he'll take a biopsy to see if it is Celiac disease.....ugggghhhhh! Ever feel like screaming? That's me right now. So I'm not sure if I'll get around to blogging since I'll only be up in the morning (and working) and then after the scope I'll be sleeping off my sedation.

If any of you are on facebook and are my friends, my status yesterday is all about family drama. I'll save that story for another day though. Hope you all enjoy your lovely Tuesday.

If you don't hear from me

2009-07-24T09:05:00.003-04:00

it's because we are busy. I had to take Callee to Urgent Care on Wednesday night with a fever of 104 and she said it hurt when she peed. We go after I gave her Motrin and her fever was still 101; it takes her over an hour to pee in a cup, but she finally goes. The doctor tells us he's treating her for a UTI because there is blood in her urine, but no bacteria. He said it could've been because it was just starting so he'd send it to the lab and go from there. In the meantime we are to give her amoxicilan and follow up with our pediatrician on Friday.

As we are driving to get her prescription filled she starts screaming in pain saying her "hip" hurt. I ask her to point and it's her lower back/kidney area. Then she proceeds to start throwing up in my car. I call Urgent Care and talk to the doctor that treated her and he says, "you need to take her to ER. She could have a kidney stone and needs to have a cat scan done." So after a quick stop at home we head to the ER.

The waiting at ER of course was ridiculous. Callee vomited 3 more times in the waiting room and then once more in triage. We get to our room and they give her a shot to stop the vomiting so they can give her Tylenol for her fever which is back up to 102.8. She didn't pee in a cup until 12:30 am there and cathing her was not an option. They gave her a dose of antibiotics and we got home about 2 am after her ultrasound which showed no kidney stones, but "sludge" in her bladder.

She is going to her doctor today and then she is going to have to see a pediatric urologist. Something isn't right with her bladder and/or everything it's connected to. If you have a moment say a prayer for Callee's comfort. She is really uncomfortable and she hasn't peed since 8 pm last night. 8 pm is the first time she peed since ER that morning/night before. I'll keep you all updated as much as I can, but I am really hoping we won't be spending our weekend in the hospital. Especially since Callee has another birthday party for my side of the family on Sunday.

WW - Callee's birthday party

2009-07-22T05:55:00.000-04:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Crazy weekend

2009-07-20T14:33:00.002-04:00

I'll just list what we did...no explanations, just everything we did.

Friday:

went to Mike's aunts after work to help set up for Callee's party
went to Sam's Club for everything we needed for her party
ran errands to ensure everything was ready

Saturday:

gave the girls showers
took Taylor to get her hair cut
went to CJ's all star game
finished setting up for Callee's party
had a fantastic birthday party surrounded by family and friends
stayed the night at his aunt's house

Sunday:

got everything packed up in the car from his aunt's house
went to CJ's all star games (2 of them; one at 10 a.m., one at noon)
stopped back at Mike's aunts to get my camera charger I forgot
filed Mike's unemployment
unloaded the car
went to my aunt's lake for a picnic
got gas
did 3 loads of laundry
showered the girls
got myself a shower
did the garbage
went to bed

So, as you can see our weekend was busy. Wednesday I'll have a montage of Callee's birthday pictures.

A video

2009-07-16T10:53:00.007-04:00

So here's a video of Callee from February. I never got around to uploading it before now. This one really shows her attitude so beware. I hope you all enjoy it and I am now back to public viewing by the way. Thanks for all who have read while it was private and thank you for the support and some pretty good advice as well. Once my stress subsides I'll post something with a little more meat, but right now it doesn't look like Mike will be getting called back to work and I am trying to figure things out, not make rash decisions and not lose my sanity in the meantime. So until next time...

3 years

2009-07-09T13:25:00.007-04:00

I never realized how fast 3 years goes until I look at my baby.

She went from this:

(taken in December 2006)

to this:

(taken at her 1st birthday party)

and finally to this:

(taken a few weeks ago)

Time sure does fly by, but I'm hoping it will slow down a little. I want my baby to stay a baby just a little while longer.

Callee, happy 3rd birthday you sweet, sweet brat! It was 3 years ago that I was worried if you'd make it through our ordeal or not and when you did I knew you had to be one tough cookie and you most certainly are. I love you and so many others love and care about you too. Your smile lights up a room and you are never afraid to voice your opinion about something or to let us know EXACTLY what you want. You are a typical 3 year old and I love every minute of it. I hope your day is all you want it to be and the next year will be a great one too.

Love,

Mama.

Busy

2009-07-07T11:16:00.003-04:00

Things here have been so unbelievably busy. In a good way. Our weekends are packed with family fun things and during the week we are at baseball games for my nephew who made all stars (and some weekends too) and with work, swimming and playing we are just plain busy. In the evenings Mike and I are making time for each other and it's been good for us. I don't know what will happen when/if he gets called back to work, but I know that we are making the most of our time we have together now.

Prior to our 'talks,' the girls and I would do different things and I'd say about 40% of the time Mike would join us, but the majority of the time he'd stay home and do his own thing. Now, it is a very rare thing for Mike not to do everything with us and it usually involves homework or one of the girls needing a nap so he stays home and I take the other one.

Our weekend consisted of this: Friday, we went grocery shopping and hung out at home and then we headed to my parents and had a bon fire and sparklers. It was a good time and we all had a ton of fun. We didn't get home until 10:30 so we were all beat and ready for bed.

Saturday, we got up early and were at the baseball fields by 9 a.m. to watch my nephew play. It was a double elimination tournament and he won his first game, but lost his 2nd and 3rd so we were done at the fields about 2:30. We headed to my aunt's for a picnic and after the first picnic Mike and Callee went home to take a nap (my sister was nice & dropped them off at home for me.) Taylor, my niece Casia and I headed to my other aunt's for another cookout. We had a good time there too and then headed home to pick up Mike and Callee for fireworks. We went to my friend Jenn's house and went with her, her husband, her mom, her daughter and her BIL to watch the wonderful show of lights. All 4 kids (ages 7, 5, almost 3 and 2) fell asleep DURING the fireworks...I think they all need to have their hearing checked.

Sunday, I got up and went to church alone because Casia, Taylor, Callee & Mike were all still sleeping. Casia & Taylor didn't get up until 11 and Callee slept until noon! They went swimming and then the cleaning fest began. We cleaned inside and did the porch, it's furniture and our cars. I was beat by bedtime, but it was a great day spent primarily at home and a lot was accomplished.

Last night we had an 'intervention' of sorts for Lacey. She has had some free time for the past couple of weeks because of her break from school and has done a 180 going back to the life she was living before having Bella and dragging Bella along for the ride this time around. One of her good friends that she talked to a lot right after having Bella, my mom and I have been talking for the past couple of days and comparing our notes and assessments of the changes. We decided last night we needed to see if some of our speculations were true or not and we needed to talk to her and find out what she was thinking and feeling and if there was any way we could help her. I bought a home drug test and it was negative (thankfully!) That definitely made the 3 of us feel a little better, but we still needed to see what was going on and how we could possibly help her.

We all talked to her and then listened to her and I am hoping that at least some of it got through to her. I love that ~~stupid~~ girl so much and want what's best for her and my niece. It is so frustrating to watch and hear some of the things she is doing and I couldn't just sit and watch anymore. It was emotionally draining and I didn't get home until 12:45 so hopefully I'll be in bed at a decent time tonight.

My nephew plays at 8 tonight so we are going to that. I'm sure it'll mean a disastrous morning getting the girls up and ready to go to my moms, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. This all star thing is so important to my nephew and he's so proud of himself. I love watching baseball and love watching his all star team play...man are they tough. I have pictures from his weekend tournament, but can't find my usb cord so when I find it I'll post some pics.

So that's what's been happening around here. Oh and Mike went back to school for his new quarter today so we are back to early mornings with late nights and cranky kids. I wouldn't trade the memories we are making and showing all the kids that a family's support is constant for anything. So what have you all been up to?

Just wanted to share although I know you're all tired of it

2009-07-03T07:00:00.003-04:00

This is ~~my favorite~~ one of my favorite songs by MJ. I say one of my favorites because apparently I've said my favorite to a lot of songs lately, my husband was so kind to point out. I know everyone is tired of the all MJ all the time stuff, but I can't help it, I love him. So this is it, for a while. You know I'll post another favorite on his birthday, which happens to be just one day after my nephews.

Well I have today off so I am going to go start my 4th festivities early with my family. Have a great weekend.

Just wow

2009-06-29T16:07:00.003-04:00

We had a great weekend jam packed with "stuff" at our house. I'm going to try to do the top 5 thing, but it's still going to be long.

Friday after work we went to my nephew's last regular season baseball game, but there will be many more since he was picked for all stars (and the only one from his team that made it.) After that we went to my mom's. We have had no time to spend over there recently and the girls have been missing my parents since Mike is on break from school. They don't go over there for there 4 hours right now and they love being at grandma and papa's house. We were there visiting, playing and eventually watching a movie until 10:30!
Saturday we slept in until 10:00. It was so nice and then our crazy day began. I went grocery shopping and to get donuts with the girls in tow (something I haven't done in a long time because Mike usually keeps them while I run) while Mike cut and raked the yard. After that we had a birthday party to go to which was fun and small...not at all what we are used to, but it was such a nice change. I didn't leave with a headache like I normally do after birthday parties. After the party we stopped by my grandma's for about an hour to visit with her. An hour is about all the girls can handle because there's not much for them to do.
After visiting grandma, Mike took the girls to his mom's while I got ready to meet up with some friends at the rib burn off. We had a good night and the girls stayed at his moms which meant we could sleep in on Sunday too.
Sunday we got the girls and went to another birthday party. This one was for Mike's cousins daughter. It was a good time, but so sad at the same time. Zoie is the child's name and Zoie is not actually Mike's cousins daughter, but her little sister is. Zoie's mom and Mike's cousin started dating when Zoie was 10 months old and she turned 4 yesterday. Zoie's mom left and moved to FL in March and left both the girls here with Brian (Mike's cousin.) He is a wonderful father to both of these beautiful girls, but their mom is coming July 7 to get them and they won't be back in Ohio until December and even then we don't know if Zoie will be allowed to come back. It's sad because when Brian left with the girls Zoie started crying and said she didn't want her birthday to be over because that's when her mom was coming to get her and she didn't want to go to FL. Then she demanded Brian call her mom so she could tell her not to come get her because she didn't want to go. It was a heart wrenching situation and I feel so horrible for everyone involved.
The best part of my weekend may not seem like much to you guys, but I've written everything out here so I wanted to share a little piece of the changes. When we were at the rib burn off Saturday night we met up with a couple that we've known for a while and we both love. We don't spend nearly enough time with them, but when we do get to, we always have a great and relaxed time. While we were with them, Mike made me feel like the most beautiful and special person on earth and that's what I've been asking him to try to do if you all remember. Then Sunday morning I was still in bed (didn't get up until 10) and he had gotten up really early. He came in and laid next to me and rubbed my back while he thought I was still sleeping. Then he whispers, "I am so in love with you and you have no idea." I was instantly happy, but didn't know if I should let him know I was awake or not. I waited a few minutes and then said, "That is the nicest thing you've said to me in a long time." Then he looked at me and said, "I meant every word too." I melted and everything will be okay, we are making great progress with everything and it is actually happening sooner than I thought it would. God has his hand in this and I am thankful for that.

As a side or bonus if you will, I caught a cold over the weekend and have very little voice and am feeling quite rundown. If I don't post often, that's why. I will sleep every spare second I can in the next few days because I am off on Friday for the holiday. I am hoping to be recuperated by then so I can enjoy my long weekend, this is my favorite summer holiday.

So I'm assuming you all know

2009-06-26T09:54:00.002-04:00

how big of a Michael Jackson fan I am. I loved him along with a lot of other people. My wedding reception, the DJ was only allowed to play songs by Michael for the first hour and a half. Yes, I love him.

So today I mourn with a lot of other people around the world. The music industry lost a great talent and so many people lost a great entertainer. I have read comments on facebook and twitter about how he made horrible choices and little boys can now play without fear. Well, he was someone's father, son, brother, friend and a hero to many. Have a little compassion if you are one of the bad commenters.

I don't think anyone can deny that he was one talented entertainer no matter how you feel about his personal life. So today I say, Michael, no matter what pain you were in I am happy you feel it no more, but you will be missed.

WW - Our summer so far

2009-06-24T09:53:00.000-04:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Thursday 13...13 reasons to fight for it

2009-06-18T13:13:00.008-04:00

Here are my 13 reasons to keep fighting and not let it go yet. Who knows what the future holds (okay I know God knows, but I'm talking about us or anyone involved or reading this), but I'm not willing or ready to let go yet.

13. We have two kids - I am going to make sure that if we do end up divorced I can proudly say I tried everything possible and didn't stop fighting just because. I want them to know that we fought for it and made every attempt...it's the same if we make it. I want them to know there are things in life worth fighting for and some of the best things you do have to fight for.

12. We have all ready come so far. It has been 3 1/2 years and a lot of those years and/or months have been good. We need to figure out how to get back to the good. I wrote him an e-mail today that is either going make or break us...waiting now to see which one it is.

11. I have always said that when I get married it is for life and divorce was not an option...I didn't forsee this all happening, but I am going to try my hardest to keep my promise to myself.

10. All of our issues can be fixed with a lot of hard work. I'm not sure right now if they will be fixed, but I don't think it's right to see a solution and not at least attempt to work towards it.

9. He is a great father and my girls deserve to have him around. They did not ask to be brought into this situation and I will not keep them in it if it doesn't get better, but they certainly don't deserve to have all that they know ripped away because two adults were too childish to put in the work and effort that needed to be.

8. I need to work on trusting him again. Yes, I need for him to start doing his part by coming home when he says he is and keeping promises he makes, but when he does do that stuff, I need to not only acknowledge it aloud to him, but also realize it for myself and know that it is a step in the right direction instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

7. The divorce rate in our society is alarmingly high and I do not want our marriage to be another statistic.

6. My heart isn't ready to let go.

5. I need to tear down the wall that was set in stone 3 1/2 years ago so we can move on. It was there before and then I decided to trust him 100% and tear it down. The materials were sitting there in case it ever needed to be put back up and when he broke my heart I rebuilt it. I need to figure out how to take it down again...any suggestions?

4. I am going to figure out how to do number 5 if it kills me.

3. I know that I love Mike more than I've ever loved anyone else. I think love is a great point to start rebuilding, but the moving forward is the hardest part. It all comes back to that stupid wall.

2. I don't want someone else to have my happy ending with him. Why did I have to go through all of this fight tooth and nail to let it go in the end? Someone else would be lucky to have him if he doesn't cheat and matures a little and I'm going to make sure that I try my hardest to have a happy ending. If it doesn't happen then I'll know he didn't want the happy ending with me. Yes it will hurt a lot, but I will know there was nothing else I could've done.

1. And the number one reason is....I made a commitment in front of family, friends and God to be with him until we are seperated by death. I will do all that I can to honor that commitment. It does say in the bible:

'Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry." Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it." Matthew 19:3 - 12

Yes, I could walk away by biblical standards, but I still want to honor that commitment even though there was wrong doing and broken hearts. I need to work on me to fix this as much as he needs to work on him. I hope we both can do this and move on.

How I spent my birthday....

2009-05-29T07:00:00.002-04:00

I have had a lot of people wish me a happy birthday and this year, I get an overwhelming feeling to slap someone. LOL. I know it's mean, but I can't help it.

So my birthday was May 26 and on May 23 a friend of mine and I went to dinner & then to Mountaineer where I lost $20. Whatever it was fun.

The fun abruptly ended there though. On May 26, I had to take Taylor to the eye doctor. She failed her vision screening at Kindergarten screening and had to see an eye doctor. Her vision was 20/30 in both eyes and her eyes were "jumping" when she followed an object up.

Well, the doctor said he wasn't concerned about the "jumping." She has no signs of cataracts or lazy eye, but she does have an astigmatism and her vision is 20/40 -2 in her left eye and 20/40 -1 in her right eye. Anyone care to tell me what the -2 and -1 mean?

So basically I have drops to put in her eyes for 3 days (Saturday, Sunday & Monday) before bed so they can "freeze" her focus. This will then allow the doctor to look at her eyes on Tuesday the 2nd and decide what prescription she needs. We will pick out her frames on Tuesday and she should have her new glasses in about 1 - 2 weeks. She will have to wear them all the time. I'll have to post a picture after she gets them.

Then, after work on Tuesday I had to take my bridesmaid dress in to have it altered. I am in a wedding on June 12. The groom is my cousin & they now live in Colorado, but are getting married out here. I agreed to be in the wedding before I knew it was on a Friday. I also paid for half my dress before I knew it was on a Friday. I called in my measurements to the dress shop in Colorado & the woman never asked me for my pant or bra size just says, "OK, we'll call you when it's in."

The bride picks it up & brings it to Ohio with her. Might I add that I had 14 days to take it back in and have them reorder, but she didn't get it to Ohio until 21 days after she picked it up? Then she calls me when she gets to Ohio and says, "Do you know they ordered you a size 12?" Great! I am not a size 12 which means mass alterations. Which means expensive. Did I mention I found this all out on Saturday, you know the same Saturday that Mike got laid off just 2 days earlier? Yeah, great timing.

So, I'm still thinking, a 12, ok maybe it won't be too bad. Hahahahhahhahahahhahahah...sorry it's funny. I look at it & I think, I couldn't have worn this when I was 8 months pregnant with Callee. There is no way this is a 12.

I take it to get altered Tuesday, after I called the bride on Monday to double check that everyone had the correct dress & it wasn't just a mistake. Nope, sorry it's yours. Take it to get altered and the lady doing the alterations is chuckling & says, "I don't even know what to do with this. Why did they order you a 16?" A 16? A 16? No they ordered a 12. "No honey, it's right here on the tag it's a 16." She decides what to do, who knows if it'll even look like the same dress once she's done, but I was trying to go the cheapest route considering the dress cost $220.

Well, once they take the size 16 down to a size 4 and move the zipper and whatever else they have to do, alterations are going to cost $106.50 with tax! Happy Birthday to me. I am beyond upset. I will have $326 tied up into a dress for me to be a BRIDESMAID!!!!! My own wedding gown with alterations (I did find a really good deal, but still) was $350. $24 less to be a bridesmaid for my cousins fiancee I barely know. And people wonder why I say I will NEVER be in another wedding, not even my sisters.

Sorry for all the complaining it is just frustrating. The story will start on Monday so come back.

I know

2009-05-22T10:18:00.002-04:00

I know I haven't posted in a while. I know I owe you all a post, an apology and an explanation, but I'm not ready yet. First I am probably going to make this blog private again for a little while before I get into the details. I don't want everyone (the world) getting such an intimate look into my life. However, I do want to write it all out and get it all out so that's the only solution I can come up with. If you want to continue reading (whether I know that you read or not), please send me the e-mail you use to sign into blogger at crstevens402[at]gmail[dot]com.

I will probably wait until Tuesday or Wednesday to make it private and will work on a post sometime between now and then to post on Tuesday or Wednesday. In the meantime, keep all of us in your prayers, but most importantly our kids. One thing I have learned is that kids are resilient.

I hope you all have a great Memorial Day weekend & I look forward to posting regularly again soon.

How nice & thoughtful

2009-05-14T16:22:00.004-04:00

Stuff could always be worse (no I do not know her name) passed on this nice award to me....

Isn't she sweet? I thought so. Anyways, she lives with and writes about MS. She is interesting in her writings and puts a little funny spin to it. One minute you are feeling bad for her and the next you are chuckling through the next paragraph. I do not get over there often enough (I haven't had much time lately to read, write, even breathe!), but you all should go visit.

So the rules are to pass this along to 15 new blogs. Well, I haven't added many new blogs to my list lately so I don't think I can do that. I am also only giving it away to 10 people (the running out of time thing again!)

Without further ado, these people need to e-mail me so I can send them the picture (you can't right click & save on my page.):

Shana - here is something for you to blog without a long hiatus again...I know, I know, you're busy!

Debbie - She cracks me up! Go visit her.

KC - She's REALLY busy. Stop by to read & she'll make your head spin

Kristie - Raising two very cute little boys! She is very honest in her writing...I love that.

Janice - Who couldn't like someone that has a daughter named Taylor? And she runs marathons...more power to her.

Holly - Great illustrations & story telling, totally worth your time.

Andrea - Love the stories she shares, as well as, the pictures. Her subjects are pretty cute though.

Angela - Go tell her congratulations, she just had her second baby (a little girl.) If you go be quiet so she can get her rest.

Stephanie - Baby 3 is on the way & her & I may have been sisters at one time. I love her.

Elizabeth - Funny, honest, crazy funny stories (most of the time.) Doesn't blog often enough in my opinion!

There you go ladies, go send them to your other friends!

Relay for Life

2009-05-12T09:57:00.016-04:00

I have very little time to post this so it will be a shortened, very brief version. I wish I had the time to write everything out because we had an amazing time.

We went to the Relay for Life on Friday night, arriving around 6 p.m. We watched the survivor walk parade, which I cried most of the way through. Then we all lined up with our team and walked in the parade. The girls had fun throwing candy, although Callee didn't walk much (surprise, surprise.)

After that parade, we all took our shifts walking and we let the kids explore into other tents. We bought glow stick bracelets and necklaces and mommy bought pizelles (not sure of the spelling.) They were really good. The torrential downpour came right about 9 p.m. and we were all huddled under the tent trying to stay dry (some of the members of our team were out looking through other tents when the rain started & were soaked by the time they got back in.) Callee was one of the unfortunate drowned rats:When it finally stopped raining, we waited for the fireworks to begin. Shelley picked the umbrellas out of the cupcakes for her, Callee & Taylor to wear in there hair. Here is a cute picture of Shelley & Taylor. Shelley also got a picture with Callee, but I don't have that one yet, but she had one umbrella behind each ear. She looked a little like Shrek!

After the fireworks Mike took the girls home (about 10:30) and I stayed at the Relay until midnight to walk for our team. Btw, all the umbrellas & such were because our teams slogan was, "Jamaican me wanna find a cure."

Saturday dawned a new day with little clouds and lots of sun. Here are the girls enjoying some lunch (or shaved ice, not sure.)We played games on Saturday. Here are the girls with their friends Braxton and Preston trying to pop balloons with their booty's. Preston (far left next to Tay) won!Taylor was not going to give up until her balloon popped so with a little help from daddy it finally did.Callee enjoyed the face/hand paintings. She ended up with 3 on Saturday! I think she had 2 on Friday too.Here is her beautiful heart flower on her cheek.

Smiley Taylor with her bag of candy and sun in her eyes.

It was definitely exhausting, but well worth it. The girls did amazingly well with the little sleep they got and the non stop excitement that they had.

Bella was dedicated at church on Sunday so I'll have to write about that some other time. Hope you enjoyed my Relay post!

To my daughter's on Mother's Day

2009-05-07T16:16:00.006-04:00

I was going to steal Kristy's idea of Thursday Thirteen, but when I started writing all that out, this came instead. So I guess I was meant to write my kids a letter instead.

Dear Taylor and Callee,

I decided to write the two of you a letter for Mother's Day (I know it's early, but mommy doesn't blog on the weekends too often) to let you know how special and important you both are to me. I also want you both to know why I consider myself so lucky to be your mother.

It doesn't matter how many times we have bad days, tomorrow is always a fresh, clean slate.

I love every single hug, cuddle and kiss I get to share with you.

I love watching you learn new things. Whether it was your first word, your first step, your first dance recital or your first t-ball game, there is always such wonderment in your eyes when you are learning something new.

The belly giggles...you know the ones. The ones that seem to come from your toes and only the innocence of a child can sound like that.

I love our times at night when I am laying with you one on one reading your favorite story and saying prayers. That time with you is so peaceful and rare that I treasure it every night.

I love watching the two of you interact, not so much the fighting, but when you are playing house it is so cute to hear the conversations the two of you have and the love for each other that comes through in them.

I hope that you both know that you are cherished, loved and adored by a lot of people. The two of you are so very special and I hope you never forget that. Dream big, laugh often and most importantly, believe in yourself.

Thank you for making me not just a mother, but your mother:

WW - me & my twin

2009-05-06T07:32:00.000-04:00

Weekend top 5

2009-05-04T10:09:00.004-04:00

Thank you for the supporting comments on the post below. I apparently needed to get that off my chest and was glad to read your responses.

Here is my weekend top 5. I am doing it from Friday - Sunday, not necessarily what I had the most fun doing.

Friday a friend of ours came over with one of her two sons. It was really good to see her & her "baby." She and I went to Michael's while Mike watched the three kids. It was a nice 40 minute break.
Saturday morning we got up and went to Taylor's t-ball game. I love going to watch these games, the kids are so funny and it is all in fun. (They don't keep score and everyone bats once then they take the field. No strikes and no outs.)
After that I went grocery shopping quickly and the girls went home with my parents. I went over there for a little while then went to clean my grandma's bathroom because she was coming home from FL Saturday evening.
After cleaning I went home and got a shower and gave the girls a shower so we could go to the mother daughter banquet at our church. It was a good time of fellowship with some GREAT food. After I got the girls in bed that night, I went to go visit my grandma.

We are going to have to fit all of Sunday into one so this will definitely be my longest. We got up and went to church. After church we had lunch, Mike went to my grandma's to help her put in her air conditioner and the girls laid down for a nap. My plan was to go sweep out my car when he got home, but instead, when I called my sister, she told me how my brother was standing up, took a bite of his sandwich & passed out. He bounced his head off her knee, came up and hit Bella's head and landed face down in a pile of blankets. Once he came too, he asked what happened then started throwing up. We convinced him to go to the hospital to be checked out (I'm thinking Natasha Richardson at this point) and they gave him some fluids and sent him home. He survived the night (which I was truthfully worried about) and I haven't spoken to him today, but am hoping he is feeling better. After the whole hospital thing, Mike & I took the girls to Sesame Street Live. Callee is the perfect age to do this type of stuff with and it was great to watch her enjoying it. Taylor seemed bored part of the time, but overall, I think she too had a good time. These pictures aren't great because they were taken with my cell phone, but here you go!

The most honest post I think I've ever written

2009-05-01T06:00:00.002-04:00

Okay then let's get started. First off, I do not mean to offend anyone. I do not look down on people for superficial things, but if this pertains to you at all, just know that yes it is a pet peeve of mine. Would I not talk to you in real life or not be your friend because of it? No, but it would drive me nuts.

I was reading Kellan's blog post about how she was battling (in her head) with a woman who was a size 4 & kept announcing it (go read it, it's linked and worth the read.) I see how that would become irritating & no I do not do that.

So my pet peeve is, why do women try to fit into a smaller size even though it looks terrible, just to say they fit in that size? Who cares what size you wear and if you care that much, buy the size you should wear, cut the tags out and tell everyone it's the smaller size. This pertains to someone who is a size 22 trying to fit into a size 16 or 18 or a size 9 trying to fit into the size 5 or 7.

You want my opinion? When you do that, it makes you look at least 15 pounds heavier because it pushes all your rolls up so your muffin top is worse and when you are pairing that with a tight shirt, it isn't flattering. I especially *love* when said tight shirt is a little too short so if you bend over, everything falls out. I would be embarassed by that and I am a smaller girl. Why then do these women stand up and not immediately fix their shirts? I know you can feel the draft on your belly where your shirt should be. Fix the stupid thing...please!!!!

I am not saying any of this to make anyone feel insecure and I am truly sorry if you are getting a little more mad by every word you are reading. Some of you are reading, saying, “Oh yea the skinny girl can talk about this because she doesn’t have these problems.” Well, you couldn’t be more off the mark.

I constantly battle with weight issues. Like I said, I am a smaller girl, but that doesn't mean I don't have issues with my weight. I am always 2 - 5 pounds under or over my ideal weight. This does not mean the ideal weight for my height (5’8”), it means the ideal weight I have set in my head for me. If I'm over I am "a fat cow, how could my husband want to see this gross body?" Yea it is bad and if I'm under, "I'm too skinny, my bones are sticking out." It is a never ending battle I've had since, oh I don't know, 6th or 7th grade.

Why do so many women battle with weight issues instead of embracing themselves (you were made in God’s image) and making sure we are living a healthy lifestyle? Some people can’t lose weight no matter how much diet & exercise is monitored. On the flip side, some people can’t gain weight no matter how many calories they take in or how many “supplements” they are taking or drinking in between meals.

It took me no time at all (like 3 ½ months) to get down to my pre-pregnancy weight after having Taylor. After Callee…well let’s just say I wasn’t so lucky. I didn’t get down to my pre-pregnancy weight until I was put on a medicine for Narcolepsy in January (Callee will be 3 in July) and dropped about 16 pounds since then (the meds made me lose my appetite.) Now I am too skinny & still losing although I did get my appetite back. I’m telling you it is a never ending battle with me…too heavy, oh no, now too skinny. It is frustrating.

Since this post has taken a turn I didn’t expect it to take, let me add one last thing and then I am done lecturing about weight problems and embracing the you God made you.

Have you ever met someone that is just sooooo skinny? You know the type that you wonder if they are anorexic or something? Well, if they are not anorexic and it’s just the way they were made and you decide to make a comment such as, “You are so skinny, how do you do it?” That is the equivalent of anyone walking up to someone and saying, “You are so fat, how’d you manage to get that big?” Just saying because my mom gets it all the time and it is very frustrating for her. Now that I have lost so much and can’t seem to put it back on, it is the same way for me. I know I am thin, I do own a mirror and no I don’t think it’s cute, but I don’t need you to point it out.

Sorry this was so long, but now that you’ve had your lesson in manners and got a peak inside my head to see how I think, you can go on about your day and weekend and feel like you know me a little better.

Once again, if I offended anyone I am sorry and I welcome you to tell me about it and why/how I offended you. I am not trying to lose readers, just trying to share my point of view on my blog. If you have anything to add: thoughts, comments, concerns, your experiences, I encourage you to share them in the comments, but try to be nice.

What we learned at Kindergarten screening

2009-04-28T13:41:00.004-04:00

I was not at all concerned taking Taylor to her Kindergarten screening. I know it sounds all "my child is so smart...blah, blah, blah," but really I didn't think Taylor would have too many issues other than her balance & coordination.

Well it turns out that she did really well on the balance & coordination, but can't draw a circle correctly. Or a square, or a cross (lines weren't perpendicular) or hold scissors correctly although she does cut in a straight line. Don't even ask.

Other than that she did well and scored satisfactory in everything. We will get a letter in the mail in about a week explaining everything they went over with us, so if anything changes in that or I left something out, I'll let you know.

One thing I was really glad about is when she got done (we weren't allowed to go back with them so they had parent & staff helpers that took them from station to station) she said to me, "I like Kindergarten, can I come back tomorrow?" This was music to my ears since the last 3 months have been filled with, "I hate school," "Why do I need to go," "Do you just want me to go so I leave you alone?" Break my heart sweet 5 year old. Now that she wants to go I don't feel so much like the "bad guy."

I also was told she needs to see an eye doctor before she starts school. Her vision is 20/30 and one of her eyes (not sure which one) "jumps" when following an object and looking up. So we are taking her on May 26.

I did find out yesterday (finally) that the girls did get the medical card, but Mike & I didn't. I needed it more for them & am just happy they got it. Now we'll put it to good use by taking Taylor to the eye doctor to get her eyes corrected (whatever that means.)

And can I just add that it doesn't even seem possible for me to have a child old enough to be starting school....what a wake up call or slap in the face that was.

What a weekend

2009-04-27T14:24:00.007-04:00

The weather here was beautiful all weekend. Saturday was a little windy, but nothing terrible & it has been mid to high 80's since Friday. It is still beautiful today & I can't wait to get out of here at 5. All of this nice weather adds up to a very fast weekend.

I am going to mostly share pictures, but we were outside basically all weekend. Taylor had her first t-ball game on Saturday & we couldn't have asked for nicer spectator weather. Enjoy the pictures....

Waiting for her turn to bat

She's up & connected with the ball.

In the field...yes my child is the one with the glove on her head.

Callee just lost in thought

Lacey & Callee at the game...her hair....well, she hates it in her face & the wind kept blowing it in her face so after I took pics of Tay this is how I found my child...her Aunt Lacey did it!

Callee & Taylor just chillaxin in the shade with my parents dog.

I'm hoping to post about Taylor's kindergarten testing tomorrow. We went this morning & got some helpful hints & some unexpected news too.

WW - Goofy Faces w/Aunt Lacey

2009-04-22T09:35:00.001-04:00

Some days are easier than others updated

2009-04-16T16:21:00.003-04:00

I will be taking Callee to the Emergency Room when I get off work. I am hoping we get the medical card for the girls, but I haven't heard yet. Callee's virus isn't getting any better & now when she breathes there is a wheezing and crackling noise. The ER is the only place I don't have to pay up front to have her seen so it is the logical answer right now.

Two years ago (in April) she had RSV & pneumonia. This is her last year for being at high risk for RSV since she was a preemie so with the wheezing & crackling, I'm not wanting to take any chances. She's had her fever since Sunday & it is still there. She is still falling asleep randomly throughout the day on the couch, which is not like her at all; she has completely given up naps as of a month ago. The cough sounds terrible & is constant, not just during the night or early in the morning as seems to be the case with most viruses/colds/allergy problems.

So say a little prayer that it is just a virus & I am just a worried mama & that we do get the medical card so I don't have to pay out the wazoo for this visit. I'll update tomorrow unless we get home early enough tonight, although that's not likely since the ER is S-L-O-W!

Update: she has RSV, an ear infection & a sinus infection. They gave her amoxicillan for the sinus & ear infection & until her fever breaks she isn't supposed to be around kids under 3. Here's to hoping it's gone by Saturday so she doesn't miss Tay's party.

WW - sick again

2009-04-15T10:25:00.000-04:00

This kid: Now looks like this again:

I don't know why she keeps getting these viruses! Frustrating!

Five years all ready?

2009-04-13T09:30:00.000-04:00

Taylor,

I cannot believe it has been five years since I held you for the first time. You have grown so much from that 21 1/2", 6 lb 12.5 oz baby. You are smart, funny, beautiful and amazing. It seems almost unreal that you are turning five today.

There are a lot of things I have done in my life, some good, some bad and some regrets. You are definitely not a regret; you are one of the best things I have ever done. You are my pride and joy; even with your smart mouth and quick wit.

You are the typical big sister who cares deeply for her little sister, especially when someone else is trying to mess with her; not so much when you are busy messing with her. The two of you fight like cats and dogs one minute and are so loving and sweet to one another the next. I am hoping in time the fighting will lessen, but the friendship and love will strengthen.

I hope you always keep an open dialogue with me and know that even though I am your mother I will always listen to you with an open mind and love you no matter what. I hope and pray that you will seek answers from me first and not your peers because really they know as much as you, however, I've probably all ready experienced it and can give you honest, experienced advice.

So to my sweet girl on her fifth birthday, I hope you know how much daddy, Callee and I love you and just how special you are to all of us. You are a significant and important part of our family, and I couldn't imagine life without you. I hope you have a wonderful day today and know that you are loved deeply!

Love,
Mommy

Days 3 & 4 - Florida vacation

2009-04-10T16:10:00.000-04:00

So day 3 didn't start off so good. We were planning on going to Disney, but it called for showers over night, no big deal, right? Wrong...it rained from 1 a.m. - 1 p.m.

I thought it was ridiculous, but whatever we continued on to Disney in hopes that the rain would slow down & stop by the time we got there. Didn't happen. It stopped long enough for us to get our tickets & walk in & then the skies opened & rain started pouring down.Emily, Callee, Taylor & Jack waiting for my cousins to bring us our tickets they were picking up at the window.

We bought ponchos to put over the strollers as a shield for the kids & the adults put ponchos on. We saw Daisy Duck in a dry place so we stopped to get an autograph & then continued on.We then ran into the Fairy Godmother so we stopped to get her autograph (at this point the rain really slowed down) and continued on to find something to eat in hopes that when we were done the rain would stop.

This plan did work. By the time we were done eating the rain was pretty much gone so we headed over to ride Dumbo. Most of the wait to ride Dumbo had an awning over it so even though it was still drizzling, we didn't notice it a bit.

Taylor eating her Mickey rice crispy treat in line at Dumbo (don't waste your money...they were gross.)

Callee eating hers while waiting also.
By the time we got on Dumbo the rain stopped and the sun was starting to peak through the clouds.

Mike & Taylor ready for Dumbo to take off.

We rode It's a Small World watched Mickey's Philharmagic 3D movie (Callee wasn't too sure about everything flying at her, but was ok.) Taylor & I rode Splash Mountain & Mike & I took Taylor in the haunted mansion while my aunt kept an eye on Callee. We did a little shopping & took pictures in front of Cinderella's castle:

We dropped by Minnie's house unannounced & had a look around. We took pictures and then went to see the fairies.

All of the fairy pictures are on my facebook account so if you are my friend there you can see them, but I probably won't post any pics here. This was by far the highlight of the day for Taylor. She loves Tinkerbell. Her room is Tinkerbell, she is having a Tinkerbell birthday party & everything she wants & asks for is Tinkerbell. Well, dreams do come true because she got to meet "the real, live Tinkerbell!!!" As soon as we were done in Pixie Hollow she said, "Mom, give me your cell phone." I asked her why & she said that she had to call Aunt Lacey & tell her she met the real, live Tinkerbell because she'd be so jealous. I dialed & she called. Lacey has loved Tinkerbell from a very young age so it is definitely something her & Taylor talk about often.

Pixie Hollow was definitely not the high point of the day for Callee (or should I say waiting to go into Pixie Hollow wasn't the greatest for her.) We had to wait in line for an hour to see the fairies & Mike was letting the girls climb on him to keep them from getting bored & mad. By this point it was 5:30 so crankiness & irritability had set in & we were trying to keep this a special time for Taylor. Callee was climbing on Mike's back & he lost his balance & fell into the wall behind him pinning Callee between him & the wall. At first I thought he put her through the wall. She cried & I held her for about 20 more minutes until she calmed down. I put her down & Mike started playing with her again & this time he lifted her up to put her on his shoulders except we were in a low ceiling spot. He almost put her head through the ceiling. Needless to say I held her most of the rest of the way through the line. She was fine once we got into Pixie Hollow & she had a great time meeting the fairies too.

We had dinner, rode a baby roller coaster that Callee hated, shopped some more & then headed for Main St to watch the parade. When the parade was over we ran people over with our strollers to get outta there quick & miss the traffic (fireworks were to follow in about 20 minutes.) We got on the monorail to go back to our car & watched the fireworks through the monorails windows. We made it back to our car & missed the traffic & made it back to my cousins house by 11 p.m.

Day 4 we lounged around my cousins house most of the day, packed our stuff then went to lunch. Mike & Taylor took a nap before we left & before we knew it, it was time to head to the airport. We will see my cousin & her family in June when another one of my cousins is getting married. The girls can't wait because they really had a blast with Jack & Emily.

When we were getting ready to board the plane (we were on the ramp to get on) & the girls both turned around to say something. The pilot happened to be standing behind me & said, "Oh I am lucky to be on this flight, I didn't know it was the flight of pretty girls." Then he asked them if they wanted to see how to fly the plane & of course they jumped all over that, but not before Taylor ran her mouth about how she all ready knows how to because it is probably just like driving a car & she drives my car all the time. She said she steals it at night while I'm sleeping. Yea, that's my bratty child...lol.

So here are the final pictures while we were on our way home.

"Flying" the plane....just another day in the life of Taylor & Callee.Taylor on the plane...I'm pretty sure exhaustion had set in by then, hence the goofy face. Trying to keep Callee occupied so the idiot in front of her quit giving me dirty looks. Yes I was a little irritated by it....don't sit in front of a 2 year old when there are no assigned seats & there are about 75 open seats on the plane if you want to give dirty looks when she bumps your seat.

There is our vacation for you. I have been working on this post for 5 days & keep running out of time to finish it so I apologize for the long delay. Works been crazy busy which helps the day go fast so I can't complain too much. Hopefully I'll be blogging regularly again soon....until then....I hope you and your families have a Happy Easter!

Days 1 & 2 - FL vacation

2009-04-03T09:58:00.009-04:00

On Friday morning we woke the girls up at 2:30 a.m. Neither of them slept on the way to the airport, in the plane or took a nap at my cousins. Taylor slept about 30 minutes in the car on the way to my cousins & Callee slept about 15 minutes & that was it. Surprisingly enough, they both did really well the whole day with minimal melt downs & slept extremely well that night.

When we got to my cousins house, she went to pick up her two kids from school (she let them get out early) & get some lunch while the rest of us stayed behind & got ready to go swimming. After lunch they swam for a while & then my grandma & I left to go get her over night bag that she didn't think she'd need. While we were gone my aunt & cousin took the kids to the park & Mike took a nap (did I mention he slept from 2 a.m. - 2:30 a.m. Friday morning?).

We grilled out Friday evening & went to bed by 10:30 (the kids were out by 9.)

Saturday was supposed to be our beach day where we'd spend all day at the beach, go home & get showered & then go out to dinner. Didn't quite happen how we'd planned it though. The winds were so strong that while we were walking towards the Gulf, Taylor & Callee would be lifted off the ground if they were in mid step when the wind blew. We were there for about 2 hours; the kids played in the ocean for about 15 minutes, we made them get out before they drowned from the high waves. We then went and ate at Frenchy's a little yummy restaurant on the beach & went home.

We swam the rest of the afternoon at my cousins & then got showered & cleaned up. At 6:30 we had reservations at a Japanese Steakhouse & the girls thought it was so cool for them to cook on our table. Callee's face was classic, but I don't have any pictures because while at the beach my camera battery died & I didn't charge it before dinner so it was still dead. Some days I am so dumb!!! Oh well.

We had a good time & made it home in time to watch part of the kids choice awards (high priority for Jack & Emily). The kids were in bed a little after nine for our big day at Magic Kingdom on Sunday.

Here are some beach pictures from the day & I'll write about days 3 & 4 on Monday. Have a good weekend.Mike was trying to keep the sand out of Callee's eyes. The woman sitting next to them is my Granny (Peaches' widow)....I love that lady!
Aunt Nora, Emily, Jack & Taylor playing in the ocean.

4 years ago today....

2009-04-02T10:50:00.002-04:00

....I married my best friend. It still amazes me that I can love him more every day and be so content with someone for so long (I get bored easily.) It has definitely been 4 years of ups & downs, heart ache & grief, trials & tribulations, but I am so glad I went through it with Mike.

Mike,

I loved you 4 years ago, but I love you more today; I will probably love you more a year from now. Thank you for putting up with my moodiness & loving me for me. We will get through this rough spot because we have each other (and a wonderful supportive extended family.)

I am proud of you for going back to school & making sacrifices now so that we will have a better life later. You are the most amazing father & are shaping up to be a pretty amazing husband too. I love you with everything I am & am so glad to call you my best friend.

Happy Anniversary, I hope to have at least 46 more!

Tomorrow I will post days 1 & 2, then on Monday days 3 & 4 of our Florida vacation.

WW - Dreams Really do come true

2009-04-01T10:43:00.001-04:00

I'll post about day 1 & 2 of our trip tomorrow.

Just waiting

2009-03-30T18:51:00.000-04:00

We are just waiting at the airport. We board in about 10 minutes & I am not ready to go from mid 80's to mid 30's. But we will be on our way none the less & I am hoping to have less turbulence than we had on our way down.

I just wanted to write a little update before we boarded, but I'll have more to write tomorrow with some pictures too.

WW - 2 goofy girls & a chubby baby

2009-03-25T09:25:00.003-04:00

I couldn't choose so here you go:

Feeling better

2009-03-24T06:30:00.001-04:00

I am feeling a lot better since my last post. I met Ashley half way for dinner on Saturday & talked to her for a long time. She is such an awesome friend...she seems to know just when to listen & when to give advice. She helps me to see different perspectives, right or wrong, but it usually makes me a little more sympathetic to different people's situations & emotions. Most importantly, she never makes me feel like my way of thinking or feeling is "wrong." I know everyone has a right to their opinion & feel how they want to, but some people don't get that & can make you feel down right crappy. Are you guys tired of hearing about Ashley yet? I have a lot of great friends, but Ashley is one of the only that doesn't have kids & always has time to be there & gets me.

I have been extremely busy lately with a wedding shower this past weekend (have I mentioned I don't even want to be in this stupid thing anymore?) Not to mention we leave on Friday morning for FL. I'm crazy busy trying to make sure everything is ready for that. Oh yeah & my washer broke on Saturday. I have no idea what is wrong with it, but I don't really have time to worry about that so I'll leave it to Mike who has yet to tear my bathroom completely apart trying to fix it (yet.)

I have a few great pictures to choose from for Wordless Wednesday so come back for that, but I am now done with this rambling post.

P.S. - I don't think I posted it here, but Mike lost his job on Thursday so there's that to worry about to.

So much to say, but...

2009-03-18T22:55:00.000-04:00

I can't. And it sucks. No matter how much I talk it isn't helping. It sucks also so any prayers you may have would be much appreciated. I hate feeling like this & yet I can't seem to stop it either! I would love to go to the mountains alone & scream it out of me & hope it helps, but I can't & so I'm stuck here doing what I'm doing.

Introducing Isabella Grace

2009-03-16T09:14:00.009-04:00

Well Lacey finally had her yesterday @ 5:59 p.m. She weighed 8 lbs. 6 oz. & was 19 1/2 inches long. She has a double chin, rolls in her arms & legs, and the chubbiest little cheeks. Her cheeks are so fat you can barely tell she has eyes...lol.

So Lacey was having contractions on Friday when she went to the doctor so her doctor told her to go eat Taco Bell because they weren't dilating her & weren't consistent. She did & the contractions continued until Saturday afternoon around 2 when they decided to go to the hospital. She still wasn't dilated so they hooked her up to pitocin to make them more intense & try to get them more regular.

After 11 hours of that they stopped the Pitocin (this was at 6 a.m. on Sunday morning.) At 10 a.m. the doctor came in to try these pills you put into the cervix to dilate it. Her contractions definitely got more intense. She had 3 straight hours of hard contractions lasting 1 1/2 - 2 minutes & they were 45 seconds apart. The whole time Lacey was a trooper & we kept telling her that these ones had to be dilating her. The nurse came in to check her (at 4:20) thinking the same thing we were & announced Lacey was only 1/2 centimeter dilated. Lacey began crying because really 3 days of labor to be a 1/2 centimeter? Good Lord it could've taken a month to get her to 10. She tells the nurse she just wants it to be over & right then her doctor called. The nurse comes back after talking to the doctor & says the doctor said you could keep going or she will do a c-section, it's up to you. Lacey opted for the c-section. As soon as Lacey said to just do the c-section, the nurse smiles & said, "I think you just made the best decision you could have."

So at 5:59 p.m. on March 15, 2009 we welcomed Isabella Grace Showalter into the world with all of her chubbiness. I am hoping to get better pictures of her fatness tonight, but here are a few.Lacey happy after they informed her she'd have a c-section.

My mom all geared up for the section.Isabella GraceIsabella Grace in her favorite position....covering her face.Taylor, Callee, Isabella & Grandma.

Stressed

2009-03-13T11:37:00.003-04:00

So Mike got told yesterday that they are going to be working 4 8's. This sucks. A couple of weeks ago, he got bumped (due to layoffs) from his higher paying job to a lower paying one & we lost about $150 per check which equaled $300 per month. Now with losing a day, he is looking at losing another $120 - $150 per check which will bring the grand total to right around $600 per month lost income. I am counting my blessings because he does still have insurance that we need. The scary part is that if this doesn't help to cut costs, he will be laid off next Thursday. Please pray this works. The lost wages is tough enough, lost insurance may set me over the edge.

He is applying for some help through his school to help cover the cost of some (if not all) of his books. If this doesn't come through then he's going to have to take next quarter off of school. This is difficult because he has said before that he knows if he stops going, even for one quarter, he won't go back & I definitely want him to finish...he's only got one year left. I am trying to figure out ways to cut costs & really regretting booking our trip to Florida. I hope I can go & relax & have a good time & not feel guilty the whole time we are there. Time will tell what is going to happen & I am trusting my God who has brought us through before to do it once again.

Thanks for listening & prayers would be appreciated. I have a peaceful feeling about all of this 90% of the time, but I'd love for God to wash that peace over me all the time & make me realize that only God knows what is in my future & if I trust him & lean on him, it'll all turn out the way he intended. I need to remember what he intends & what I want could be two totally different things. That is a hard piece of pie to swallow.

It's been a while

2009-03-11T16:11:00.004-04:00

Wow, it's been a week since I last posted. I have been really busy & when I'm not busy I'm just too tired to post. I read a really good book last week & am finishing another one (hopefully tonight) so I haven't even been talking to friends on the phone or watching TV either. As soon as the girls go to bed, I read then clean & shower & try to read a little more. It makes me so tired because I am staying up till almost midnight, but if Nicholas Sparks wasn't such a good author, I might not have this problem. So maybe after I'm done with this book, I will be back to blogging regularly (until a new book comes out.)

So yesterday was March 10, Lacey's due date & guess what? No baby still. People this thing is stuck I think. She is having another complication & that's why, but she'll go on Thursday & see if she has to have a c-section & then if she does, it'll be scheduled.

My dad is still very sick. He went to work only Friday of last week, then made it on Monday. I think he stayed for 2 or 3 hours on Tuesday & didn't go today. He did get an antibiotic yesterday at the doctor as well as some cough meds so hopefully he'll be well again soon. When he went to the doctor yesterday, he had lost 12 pounds since he was at the hospital on last Wednesday! My dad (well both my parents) are sticks so 12 pounds is a lot of weight. I hope he gains it all back soon.

So other than that, things are going fine. We took the girls' TV's out of their rooms last night because they weren't going to sleep & then very crabby the next morning & wanting to take very long naps. Let me just say that it's going to be a long couple of nights until they get used to this new routine, but hopefully they catch on soon. Once the tears quit & they fell asleep, they got the best nights sleep they've had in a very long time. That meant I got some very good sleep too & I am glad because I needed it. I even quit reading early enough to be in bed by 10:40.

There is my little update, I hope to update more often. Hopefully I'll be updating about a baby in the near future, but little chubby one doesn't seem to want to come out.

Spinning

2009-03-04T13:30:00.002-05:00

Right now my head is spinning. My girls are coming to my work in about 10 minutes, my dad is at the hospital because of dehydration. He has been sick since Sunday & today he hit rock bottom so I'm waiting to hear what goes on with him.

I got a phone call from my mom at 11:30 that said, "Can you call Aunt Nora?" (She is my back up for when Lacey goes in labor.) So of course I assume Lacey is in labor. Nope my mom said she needs to take my dad to ER right now that he is EXTREMELY sick. My aunt was at bible study at church & I thought Mike was playing basketball so I asked her if she could bring them here instead. Well, turns out that Mike didn't play today so I had him go get the girls and take them home, but he has to go to work soon so they will be coming here shortly.

I still have a ton of work to do (I know it makes a lot of sense for me to be on here right now, but trust me it's what I need) so I am hoping I can get the girls to play semi - quietly so I can finish the work for the day. My aunt may be coming to get them around 3 - 4 so hopefully that will all work out so I will have a little while in the afternoon without them so I can finish up.

I am waiting to hear about my dad, praying everything is okay & he just needs some fluids and I'm also praying Lacey's water doesn't break in the midst of all of this. It is insane! Okay, gotta go do what I can before the girls get here. Thanks for listening.

Weekend top 5

2009-03-02T09:49:00.002-05:00

We had a really good weekend & I can't believe it is Monday all ready.

Friday Callee went to the doctor after being up all night Thursday night because of the violent cough she has. I was right, it was just a virus, but she needed some steroids to open up her bronchial tubes so I am glad I decided to have her seen.
Saturday I needed to go shopping for some new jeans. I have lost a lot of weight & my jeans no longer fit real well, so I went to the mall & only got one pair, but that's okay because I found 2 pairs of shorts to take to Florida with me. I'll go to another store next weekend & see if I can find anymore jeans.
Since Callee has been sick & needs held 24/7 when she's sick, Taylor has been feeling a little left out. To help compensate some of this, I took her to the mall to go shopping with me. We had a really good time together & I think we both needed the time together. After we left the mall we went to Toys R Us & got Taylor a couple of little toys & got Callee a few outfits. She needed clothes to take to Florida too.
Saturday night I did taxes for some friends of mine. I don't mind doing taxes, but I have done them for 7 people so far & have at least 2 more to do. I'll be glad when they're all done!
Sunday night we went to our church at 5:00 because they were showing a movie. Anyone heard of Fireproof? If you have & you were debating on seeing it I would say to do it. There were some parts that were a little slow, but overall it was a really good movie. You definitely knew what the message of the movie was, but it wasn't drilled down your throat & I believe it to be 100% true.

So that was my weekend. Hopefully I'll have some pictures of a new baby this week (the mother's been ready for the last 2 weeks, but baby isn't so sure yet!) I'm off to see what you've all been up to.

The Unknown

2009-02-26T12:40:00.002-05:00

I am really not sure what Callee has. She started last Thursday (2/19) saying she didn't feel good. When I went through the normal list (ears, throat, belly) of ailments & she replied no to all of them I just figured it was her 3 year molars that she's been getting for about 3 months now.

Monday (2/23) she started running a fever, being very whiny & clingy & just not looking too healthy. She said her head hurt & her throat & she developed a cough & VERY runny nose. The fever continued (not coming down with Motrin or Tylenol) until yesterday afternoon. You see she hasn't been drinking or peeing so I was starting to get very concerned about dehydration. Before the fever came down I decided to call the doctor because I was almost sure this was the same virus my mom & I have been fighting for close to two months, but with dehydration looming I didn't want to chance anything. I will not waste our time or money to hear, "It's a virus, she needs plenty of rest & fluids." So the doctor calls back and says that there is a nasty virus going around that has the same symptoms I described & to try to push the fluids. He said not to worry about bringing her in unless she stopped drinking completely, started only peeing once a day (as opposed to the twice a day she had been doing) or if her fever wasn't gone by Friday.

My mom called me after their nap & told me Callee had peed for the second time that day (which was a huge feat in itself) and that she was drinking alligator (Callee-ese for gatorade.) Her fever was gone & it looked like we were back to just a cold with more activity out of her. My mom said she still gave her the Motrin just in case (fever & body aches), but that she was down playing and she was becoming really hyper. That lasted all through the evening and at bed time I gave her the Benedryl (her nose doesn't stop running without it & then she can't sleep) and one last dose (I hoped) of Motrin. I put her to bed & then went to tuck Taylor in. Guess what happened then? Taylor had a fever & said her ear & throat hurt. I gave her some Motrin, but by 10:00 she was in our bed where she slept the rest of the night.

When Mike got home from work I told him I'd just go sleep with Callee because she was still having nasal issues & I knew she wasn't going to stay in her bed all night and all 4 of us cannot fit in our bed & get the rest we need. Well I was right because Callee was up 4 times between 11:30 & 5:45. The last time she got up she jumped up and yelled..."I have to go pee!" So I get up to take her & then she starts crying & says, "I think I all ready peed." She did because my shirt was urine soaked. My children are very lucky I love them. While I was stripping & cleaning her bed & cleaning her up I noticed she was burning up again. I did what I needed to do & gave her another dose of Motrin. We then moved to our bed where Mike ended up getting up & moving to the couch because of the crowdedness.

Taylor had no fever this morning, but said her ears were still bothering her & my mom said she has either been whining or crying all morning. Callee still had a fever when I dropped her off at my mom's. I am waiting for my mom to call back after they wake up from their nap, but I guess Callee may be making a trip to the doctor tomorrow just to make sure this is a virus (which I am almost positive it is) & if Taylor continues tonight like she did last night, she will be tagging along.

I am just grateful that this is the first time (knock on wood) since I took them out of daycare that they have been actually sick. Now if we can just get them better again.

Btw, the picture from yesterday was taken on Tuesday night. I think the dehydration & fever had just kicked her butt & she basically looked like death warmed over.

WW - My poor sick baby

2009-02-25T10:31:00.000-05:00

Weekend Top 5 EDITED

2009-02-23T10:35:00.003-05:00

Here is my top 5 from the weekend. If you haven't given me your opinion on this post, please do.

Friday night the girls & I met my friend Jen & her daughter Addison at the mall for some fun. We had a good time, but we didn't leave until 9 p.m. By that time Callee & Addison were done & were in desperate need of their bed.
Saturday was a relaxing morning. During naptime I went grocery shopping & swept my car out. It was in desperate need of being cleaned out so I'm glad I got it done.
After nap we took the girls back to the mall to play in the play area. Mike sat with them while I ran to get what I needed & then I sat with them while he went to the store he needed to. We both got what we wanted.
After leaving the mall we stopped to get something to eat. As we are getting out of the car, Taylor slammed the door shut on her fingers. All ended well, but she had some throbbing fingers for a couple of hours.
Sunday we went to church, the girls went home with Aunt Shelley & I finished the rest of my running around.

Monday is here & I am back at work, but actually glad about it. I didn't write about any of the bad moments from the weekend, but last night was not a good ending to a decent weekend & by that point I was ready to come back here.

Now I am going to go see what you all did over the weekend.

This video is too cute not to share. If you're interested, click here.

Bragging

2009-02-20T09:15:00.000-05:00

Okay so I'm not sure if it is considered bragging if I want your opinion. Although there is definitely a level of pride felt by this mother regardless of opinion.

I think Taylor is an extremely smart child (what mother doesn't), but with kids today things are so advanced that I am not so sure. My mother thinks she's smart too, but her baby is 20 so things have changed a lot since then. I am asking you, the women who read my blog to give me your honest opinion. Most of you have kids around Taylor's age or a little older. This is in no way to boast about my child or to make you all think I think less of your child if they can't do the same things (I get accused of that a lot by my family: aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) Is Taylor smart or just an average 4 (almost 5) year old?

Here are some examples to go off of:

She was doing a connect the dots activity Wednesday & when I opened the page I noticed the mumbers went up to 50. I figured there was no way she'd be able to do it without help, but she not only recognized the numbers, she counted aloud with it too. Who knows how high the kid can actually count. I thought it was only 30, but last night she had no problem counting & recognizing to 50. I am wondering if the connect the dot game went to 100 what number she would've started having trouble with.
When we were playing Go Fish & she went out, she counted her pairs & said, "I have 9." I said, "Let me count mine. (pause for counting) I have 12." She said, "Oh you won again!" Is it normal for a 4 year old to be able to realize 12 is more than 9 so that means I won?
She knows how to spell & write her first & last name, Callee, mom, dad & if you tell her how to spell something she can write it.
She knows her entire address (house number, street, city, state & zip code) and her phone number.
She knows her birthday and Callee's birthday.

The list really could go on & on, but I won't bore you & I don't want to be accused of anything. She starts kindergarten in the fall so I am really happy that she seems to just pick stuff up so easily, but I am wondering...is she just average? I don't care either way, but I'd like to know & I'd like an unbiased opinion.

Btw, when she finished the 50 connect the dot, I looked at her and said, "Wow, how'd you know all those numbers & how'd you learn to count to 50?" Her response, "Because I am super smart!" I had to laugh at her because my cousin Shane has an 8 year old who is (and always has been) extremely smart. He will tell you, "Hi, I'm Alex & I'm smart!" I think Taylor is the female version of Alex.

So leave your opinion (even if they're not what you think I want to hear. I'll have my big girl panties on when I read the comments so I can handle it.)

Drive me crazy I tell ya

2009-02-18T19:12:00.001-05:00

Don't get me wrong I love my kids, but there are some nights & tonight is definitely one of those nights. There have been a lot of arguments & tears & I can tell you what the result is going to be...an early bedtime!

They have fought the last few nights to go to bed & then they are up at the crack of dawn too. It started when they stayed at Mike's moms Saturday night & are now caught in the vicious "I'm so tired, but I'm going to fight sleep anyways" cycle.

I started this post at 6:45 & it is now 7:45 & they are in bed, but I'm sure they'll be up 5 more times before actually falling asleep. Then they'll be up bright & early before my alarm goes off & it'll be another weepy day tomorrow. My poor mom gets the brunt of it. I am hoping to break this cycle this weekend & get my rotten, happy kids back.

We did have some good moments though. I was Callee's baby for a while. She must be an elderly mother though because her "baby" (me) had to give her a bath. Then Taylor & I played Go Fish & I won for the second night in a row. She is a really good loser. No yelling, pouting or fits about it. This is a very good thing because she starts t-ball next month.

Well American Idol is on so I'm gonna watch that & hope I get in bed early tonight.

Plans are made

2009-02-16T15:24:00.003-05:00

Well Mike & I had a lovely Valentine's Day & I got to sleep in on Sunday which is always nice. Then when I did get up to go get gift cards from Giant Eagle (might as well get some free gas while we're all ready spending the money, right?) my car wouldn't start. Luckily Mike was almost home so I took his car & got what I needed. Then my dad came over & we were pretty sure it was the battery, alternator or starter.

I headed down to Advance Auto & had it checked & thank goodness it was only the battery. My car is now running well & I have a brand new battery for it. Not the way I wanted to blow $100, but I guess I needed it. The rest of the weekend went fairly well & now it's Monday.

Mike had spent some money on a new weight set he wanted & I very rarely spend money on myself. I always find some bill or way to fix the house that we could use the money for instead. Well we didn't need out Income Tax money like I thought we did (we thought we were going to have to replace our breaker box and/or furnace, but it was an easy $25 fix thanks to his uncle.) so Mike suggested I buy myself something. I thought about buying a computer, but decided I felt too guilty & didn't want to do that, so I didn't. Today I got a brilliant idea that maybe the girls & I would go visit my grandma (who left last week) in Florida for a long weekend of some sort. Well after much researching we got the tickets for a good price so we will be going to FL for 4 days in March. We will leave very early on Friday and come back very late on Monday. Both ways are non stop and my aunt is going with us. It should be fun & we can't wait now.

I now have to make two paper chains or two countdown calendars to avoid the "When is it time for...?" question. We are going to FL in March & Taylor's birthday is in April so that will be two countdowns I need to get going on.

Mike had today off of school because of President's Day & Taylor told him, "I'm not going to grandma's today, mom & I are going to FL!" So I had to explain to her that it's not time yet & we'd do a countdown of some sort tonight after work. I hope it works because if I have to hear, "When are we going to Florida" and "When is it my birthday" for the next 1 - 2 months I may leave them in an airport on the way down or back...lol.

I hope you all have a good week.

Quiet Chaos

where have i been?

Can't let it go

Callee (ok & Taylor too).....

Just for Jennie

Sad & won't apologize....

Why can't time slow down?

WW - Out on the boat....I wish I was back there after the day I've had!

Drama....I hate it!

Why can't I find a groove?

Facebook deactivation & then not so much

Bathing Suit time of year

Doctor appointments & frustrations

Surgery update

It's a GO

WW - A diva in training....I may need some help when puberty hits

Maybe blogging will help

A great day

I can't believe....

New Years Resolutions

Wowza!

Wow!

Taylor's Parent/Teacher Conference

Just another random post

Happy Birthday Mike

Update

WW - Trick or Treat!

A very busy weekend and hopefully a lesson learned!

The bad!

WW - Pumpkin Carving

No title

Callee's sick **Doctor Visit Update**

I know what I said

I really should post more often

Update

WW - Pear Eater

If you need a slap in the face ask a 5 year old....

Our weekend....

Sept 11 & an update

WW - Fair Fun

Trusting and relinquishing control aren't the easiest things

My long weekend and some good news

WW - The love of my life

Crazy weekend...again

Happy Birthday MJ!!!

9 years ago today...

Throwback Thursday

Tears on Tuesday ***EDITTED***

Just because....

WW - My hair

Our weekend

So much

Just one day of our weekend

Surprise, Surprise

Weekend top 5

Good Grief

An update

If you don't hear from me

WW - Callee's birthday party

Crazy weekend

A video

3 years

Busy

Just wanted to share although I know you're all tired of it

Just wow

So I'm assuming you all know

WW - Our summer so far

Thursday 13...13 reasons to fight for it

How I spent my birthday....

I know

How nice & thoughtful

Relay for Life

To my daughter's on Mother's Day

WW - me & my twin

Weekend top 5

The most honest post I think I've ever written

What we learned at Kindergarten screening

What a weekend

WW - Goofy Faces w/Aunt Lacey

Some days are easier than others *updated*

Callee's sick Doctor Visit Update

Tears on Tuesday EDITTED

Some days are easier than others updated

Weekend Top 5 EDITED